Forgive Me
by AgentStarbuck
Summary: The ending of New Moon from Edward's perspective, starting from his reunion with Bella. Edward/Bella. COMPLETE
1. Volterra

Disclaimer: All characters, plot, and dialogue belong to Stephenie Meyer. I'm simply borrowing them for a little bit of fun. This is in no way meant to be a replacement to the original. So, thanks a ton Stephanie!

20. VOLTERRA

"No! Edward, look at me!"

Her voice sounded so close. Clear and evocative, the same as always. The same sound that had been in my every thought for the past seven months. Her voice. The one I heard everywhere. It almost felt as though she were here, frantic with the realization of what I was about to do.

My mouth twitched lightly at the thought of her next to me. She wasn't, but the image was enough. Enough to find that last bit of comfort, those last vestiges of warmth that had been taken from me. And enough to break my heart all over again. Enough to make me take the step which would finish what that ugly harpy fate had started when she took away my sun and left the surrounding world in an empty chill.

I'd made a promise. Bella deserved a life. That had been my mantra for so long. It had driven me to keep to my purpose, and now it drove me towards a new purpose. To end it. Because Bella did deserve a life, and I took that away from her. I was her protector and I had failed.

That was my last thought as I stepped into the sunny piazza. She's dead.

I felt something grab at me. It tugged faintly at my waist, pulling me away from this existence. Toward something else, back in the darkness. Toward hell, probably. I could still hear the clock tolling as the darkness tried to pull me in.

I opened my eyes, curious to know what sort of beast was pulling me away. What sort of punishment did it think I deserved? I wasn't in pain. I should be in pain. I'd caused Bella pain. So why did I feel no different? Perhaps it was pulling me into nothing. I'd already been so empty before that I doubted I'd recognized it if pieces of myself began slipping away. Maybe in a moment I wouldn't exist at all. That didn't seem right. I didn't deserve the peace that came with nothingness.

I looked down, meaning to ask the creature what it thought it was doing. Why wasn't I in the pain that I so clearly deserved?

Bella looked up at me.

Heaven. That's what it was. To have given me Bella after all that I had done to her. I had no words to describe my gratitude. I would have to settle with describing my awe.

"Amazing," I said. "Carlisle was right."

This was all I needed. Bella. If this were my existence for the rest of eternity, I would consider it bliss. Everything I'd been missing was back in place, and it felt as though I had never left anything behind in Forks. It was all here. I was whole again.

I took in every detail. The way her lips moved, though I didn't listen to their words. The way her dark hair was tousled and windblown, as though she'd been running. The way her chocolate brown eyes were staring up at me exactly as I'd pictured whenever I'd closed my own. The way her pale skin flushed. She seemed to be making some sort of tremendous effort. I brushed my hand along the pink of her cheek, relieved to feel its warmth. If she hadn't thrown herself from a cliff I could have sworn I was back in Forks again. One moment I was nothing and the next I was here. With Bella.

Somewhere in my consciousness I noticed the worried look on her face. Why was this angel worried? What could she have to be upset about? Surely not my death. Not when it was such a relief. It made everything so much better. Why would she want me in the world when we were both so much happier here?

"I can't believe how quick it was," I assured her. "I didn't feel a thing- they're very good." She should know I wasn't in pain. Just bliss, with her here in my arms and my lips in her hair. My Juliet, back again. "Death, that hath sucked the honey of thy breath, hath had no power yet upon thy beauty." Oh, how true. Nothing had changed. She even smelled like Bella. The same Bella. That same fire in my throat as somewhere in the bliss the familiar thirst made itself known. "You smell just exactly the same as always. So maybe this is hell. I don't care. I'll take it." It was surprisingly easy to ignore the burning, intoxicated as I was just having her here.

My angel interrupted my thoughts with a pleading voice. Why would she be pleading with me? Didn't she know that I would give her anything she asked for?

"I'm not dead," she said, rushing through her words. "And neither are you! Please Edward," -I finally noticed her desperate tugging- "we have to move. They can't be far away!"

"What was that?" I asked. This didn't make sense. She'd jumped off a cliff. I'd been killed by the Volturi. Why wasn't she just content to stay here with me? Why couldn't I simply spend eternity holding her? She was going to have to repeat her request, because this was all too strange. Too many things were wrong with this picture.

"We're not dead, not yet! But we have to get out of here before the Volturi-"

I spun her behind me against the brick wall of the alleyway. Because hearing her say their name made everything snap into place. The reason my throat was burning with thirst. The reason for her anxiety. The reason she was ineffectively struggling to force me back into the shadowed alley. The reason that my thoughts were not the only ones I heard around me. I wasn't confused, only frightened for her safety. Because Rosalie had been wrong. She wasn't dead. Now that the world had reformed around us, I could hear them coming. They were close and they were eager for a fight.

Felix's thoughts were louder than Demetri's, and definitely more eager, but both were loaded with threat. I vaguely recognized the two members of the guard. Felix was looking from me to Bella expectantly while Demetri concentrated on trying to find the unique essence of her mind, in case he ever needed to track her. I could hear his confused frustration when he found nothing. I spread my arms in a protective gesture, but I registered the meaning behind what had happened. Bella's mind was just as inaccessible to him as it was to me. If he couldn't find her mind then he couldn't track her. And if he couldn't track her, I could protect her. I buried my relief and kept my guard up.

"Greetings, gentlemen," I said, polite to an excess. "I don't think I'll be requiring your services today. I would appreciate it very much, however, if you would send my thanks to your masters."

"Shall we take this conversation to a more appropriate venue?" Felix asked, his voice threatening. _Just give me a reason, and I'd be more than happy to… introduce myself to your sweet smelling human_.

"I don't believe that will be necessary. I know your instructions, Felix. I haven't broken any rules."

"Felix merely meant to point out the proximity of the sun," Demetri broke in, his voice less eager, but just as serious. "Let us seek better cover."

I didn't have much of a choice. Either I went with them, or this would turn into a fight. As reluctant as I was to part from Bella I didn't want her near that. Someone must have brought her to Italy. Who ever it was would stay with her. As long as I was with the city's vampires I could keep their focus off of her.

"I'll be right behind you," I spoke as casually as I could manage. "Bella, why don't you go back to the square and enjoy the festival?" She was safe as long as she was in the sun.

_I believe Aro will want to meet this one_, Felix thought. _I couldn't let her run screaming into the city, now could I? That would be disastrous…for her_. He added the last bit for my benefit, remembering what Aro had told him about my abilities.

"No, bring the girl," Felix said out loud, adding as much menace as he could to his voice. He was hoping to see Bella cower.

"I don't think so." I sunk into my crouch, ready to spring the second he decided to attack. Behind me I sensed Bella tense and out of the corner on my eye I saw her mouth "no".

"Shh," I muttered. The last thing I needed was Bella pulling one of her typical self-sacrificing stunts. She seemed to take the hint.

"Felix," Demetri warned. "Not here." His thoughts were on Aro's instructions and the resulting anger if they weren't followed. He turned to me. "Aro would simply like to speak to you again, if you have decided not to force out hand after all."

"Certainly, but the girl goes free."

"I'm afraid that's not possible." –Felix's eyes glinted in approval- "We do have rules to obey."

"Then I'm afraid that I'll be unable to accept Aro's invitation, Demetri."

I could hear Felix's delighted thoughts.

"That's just fine," he said. _If they resist, Aro can't blame me for taking the human's life_.

"Aro will be disappointed," Demetri sighed. _He wanted you alive_.

"I'm sure he'll survive the letdown," I said as they began to try and herd us into the alleyway. There was no doubt of a fight now. It was narrow enough here that I could hold them off while Bella ran. They wouldn't get past me. I could probably even beat them. But that didn't matter. Bella's safety was foremost. Get her out of here.

_Edward!_ I froze and snapped to face the mental reprimand that had come from darkness behind me. _Don't_.

"Let's behave ourselves, shall we?" Alice said. "There are ladies present." She came to stand by my side, threatening, despite her tiny stature. Let's see them get to Bella through the two of us. They didn't stand a chance.

"We're not alone," she added, reminding them of the nearby humans. I hadn't noticed until now how close the human family actually was. Close enough to notice the tension in the alleyway. Demetri clearly didn't like the proximity.

"Please, Edward, let's be reasonable," he said, uneasy now that he no longer had the advantage in numbers. Probably not in skill either. The talents of Alice and I together could be quite intimidating.

"Let's," I said. "And we'll leave quietly now, with no one the wiser."

"At least let us discuss this more privately." He turned slightly to eye the nearby family which had doubled in size since his last glance.

_If I let Demetri take the vampires,_ Felix thought,_ I'll bet no one would miss the human. Heidi's taking forever to get back, and this one smells good._

I very nearly launched myself at him. Felix's smile set me over the edge. I was just about to attack when I heard her approach.

My body was so tense that I was just barely able to get out a meaningful "no". These new thoughts were more forceful than the other two. We would either follow her or she would make us follow her. And she could.

"Enough."

I reluctantly relaxed my defensive stance, still making sure to keep in front of Bella as she peeked around me. Demetri and Felix drew back, confident in Jane's power.

"Jane," I sighed. One of the Volturi's strongest weapons. We were out of options. It was clearly a case of follow or die. Because even if Bella was immune to Jane's powers in the same way that she was to mine, and I wasn't willing to test that theory, Alice and I were still vulnerable. If we were incapacitated, Bella didn't stand a chance.

In Alice's mind I saw flickers of us in the large room used when they fed. I couldn't let them take Bella there. My mind sifted through every possible alternative. But with Jane here there was nothing I could do.

_It might be best to just play along and see where this leads_, Alice thought. _The Volturi are bound by their own laws like the rest of us. If we can reason with them, it might be our only chance_.

"Follow me," Jane commanded and walked away down they alley, not looking back to see if we obeyed.

_After you_, Felix gestured us forward with a smirk. _Unless you'd prefer me to take the human myself?_ My fingers twitched, just begging me to ball them into a fist.

Alice was already following behind Jane. I pulled Bella close to me by the waist and we continued the procession into the alley. Despite the threat hanging over our heads, part of me wanted yell out in joy. I had my Bella back, and I would never leave her.

She looked up at me with questioning eyes. True to my request, she'd been quiet throughout the entire exchange. Even now, when I shook my head 'no', unable to give her the answers she wanted with three of the Volturi guard surrounding us, she only nodded her head in understanding. I didn't deserve her. I had brought this down on her through my own carelessness and she was bearing all of it with an overwhelming amount of bravery. After I'd left her. Betrayed her love. And now I'd put her life in the hands of the most powerful vampires our world knew. How could she endure this when I had betrayed her so completely?

"Well Alice," I said, working to keep my tone light. My poker face. "I suppose I shouldn't be surprised to see you here."

"It was my mistake," Alice said calmly. "It was my job to set it right." _I'm so sorry Edward. Can you ever forgive me? I didn't realize_- her thoughts turned into a jumble of images.

I nodded ever so slightly. "What happened?"

"It's a long story. In summary, she did jump off a cliff, but she wasn't trying to kill herself. Bella's all about the extreme sports these days."

Alice toyed vaguely with the idea of hiding what she knew, probably trying to spare me the pain that I deserved. But she decided against it. _You need to know_, she thought. _Besides, knowing Aro and his powers, you'll probably find out anyways_. I caught glimpses of conversations with Charlie and Bella. Werewolves. Bella was spending all of her time with werewolves. I could see this Jacob's face through Alice's memories as he tried to control his temper. And worse, Victoria. Again, she had slipped away from me, finding her way back to Forks with revenge as her foremost thought. This was what I'd left Bella with?

Alice's thoughts flickered to a conversation with Charlie, trying to filter what she should and should not let me see. She skipped over most of the conversation quickly, but I caught enough to see why she felt the need to edit.

"I thought I was going to have to hospitalize her…"

"…words like 'catatonic'…"

"…she was…empty…"

The memories made me want to curl into a ball again in some random corner of South America. I wished them away, wanting none of it to be real. And yet, they kept coming. The worst image was of Bella. Her tears when she'd seen Alice again. I struggled to stay composed as Alice remembered Bella clinging desperately around her neck, not able to handle another goodbye. Bella had always been glass, so fragile. But here, she looked like she would shatter at any moment. Like the only thing holding her together was Alice's arms.

I was the one who had done that to her.

"Hm," was all I could manage. If I said anymore, I might lose my last shred of self-control and simply succumb to the simultaneous joy and mind-numbing grief that I felt having her here. Bella followed my lead and kept quiet as well.

I wondered if her thoughts were also on those months of separation. For the first time it occurred to me that as wrong a plan as it might have been, perhaps it had worked. Had she moved on? Obviously she still cared about me; enough to risk the Volturi to keep me alive. But she couldn't possibly trust me. She was probably as conflicted as I was, torn between joy that we were together and fury at what I had done. When the sweetness of our reunion had worn off, would she hate me?

We walked through the alley in silence for a time until Jane lowered herself agilely through a drain near the wall. Alice followed behind her.

I felt Bella stiffen at my side and I looked down to see her staring at the drain in horror. I'd almost forgotten how terrified she must be. To her, there was no way of knowing what was on the other side. More darkness. More of the unknown. And Jane.

I, too, was reluctant to let her go. I wanted show her there was nothing to fear. That I wouldn't let anything ever hurt her again. I had caused her so much pain that all of me was aching to sooth away her fear. But Felix's steady mental stream of threatening notions continued behind us.

"It's all right, Bella," I whispered in her ear. The soft brush of her hair against my face was going to make it particularly difficult to let go. "Alice will catch you."

She nervously dangled her legs into the drain.

"Alice?" she whispered. She sounded like a child.

"I'm right here, Bella," Alice called back.

I grabbed her wrists gently and lowered her down as far as I could.

"Ready?" I asked.

"Drop her," Alice said, more for Bella's benefit than mine.

I reluctantly let her go. Not a half second later I heard a soft 'oomph' as Alice caught her and placed her on the ground. I gave Felix and Demetri a brief warning glare and hopped through the grate after Bella.

The second I landed I pulled Bella back to me, and we continued forward. I knew that once the grate was closed behind us that Bella would probably not be able to see and I wanted her to be in my arms when that happened. She wouldn't have to face the darkness alone again.

As we walked I baffled, once again, at the feeling of having her back in my arms. There were so many things I wanted to tell her. How much I loved her. How I had missed her smell and her softness. I had missed her warmth and the sound of her heart beating. I had missed holding her and kissing her.

I brought my free hand up to her cheek, savoring the feel of it after so many months. I brushed my thumb across her lips, wishing I could kiss away her fear. If it weren't for the red-eyed vampires surrounding us I would have been kissing her, boundaries be damned, at that very instant. I remembered telling her once that being around her more often made the thirst easier, but I could never remember being less thirsty than I was now.

I pressed my face to her hair and inhaled. My throat was burning like always, but I didn't mind. It was just one more reminder that she was alive. She was alive and I was determined to keep her that way. Fate had made me her protector and I would never again fail at that.

I could feel her tremble slightly with fear, and I kissed her forehead reassuringly. She had nothing to fear. She would be home in Forks before she knew it. Having her next to me made me sure. I felt stronger. Purposeful.

In front of us, Alice was sifting through our shaky future. We would at least live to see Aro, so there was little danger until we had actually arrived at our destination. After that, our futures were shifting quickly. It was a hazy fog, but every once in a while Alice could see something solid before is faded again. She saw me looking at her as I absently stroked Bella's face.

_Aro is uncertain of what to do with us_, she explained to me. _I think we can convince him, but he wants you and your abilities. What were you thinking coming here? Forget me, what would Carlisle think? Or Esme? You know what this would do to her!_ She worked to control her frustration.

I did know, and now that I had Bella back, I was slightly more rational. Not to say that I wouldn't act the same way again if anything were to happen to her. But I could at least see the pain I would leave behind. Could I do no good in this world?

As we approached the end of the storm drain, and the darkness began to lift, I felt Bella shaking beside me. As her teeth started to chatter it dawned on me that she wasn't shaking with fear, but with cold. Somehow she had gotten wet, and here underneath the city she must be freezing. And of course my ice cold skin wasn't helping. I dropped my arms and settled with just holding her hand. There was no way I could let her go completely.

Bella's reaction was vehement, to say the least. She threw herself at me, locking her arms tightly around my waist.

"N-n-no," she said forcefully through chattering teeth, and I smiled wryly. Somewhere in me a dull ache wondered how long this would last. How long would she be grateful for my presence? Probably until we were safe again. Then she would remember all the pain. Neither of us could forgive me for all the horrible things I'd done. I would leave if she asked, of course, but for now she wanted me and I would be content with that.

The closer we got to the light, the more I could here Felix grumble.

_Almost there_, he thought. _Once we're inside, maybe then Aro will let me have her. Demetri knows; I've got dibs_.

He rushed us through the doorway and into the fluorescent lit basement of the Volturi's home, locking the grate behind us. There was no way back now that they had us inside. The walls were too thick and the guard too big. The only way out was if they let us go.

If Felix were anything to judge by, we didn't stand a chance.

Author's Note: I'm in the process of running back through and making small little changes (in both grammar and content). This was just written as a bit of fun. I uploaded it in case anyone else might enjoy it as well. Critiques are encouraged, but please be respectful. And try to use proper grammar. :)


	2. Verdict

21. VEDICT

_Aro, Caius, and Marcus are waiting for you_, Jane thought. It was impossible to escape the malice in her mind. _And I'll be waiting for them to finish. If they don't want the girl, I'll certainly have some fun. We could use a little sport around here._

I clamped my jaw closed. If I hadn't been determined to hold on to Bella I would have already been ripping her apart.

The building itself was non-threatening, but I'd been in here before. I'd seen enough of the Volturi to know that this place was about as safe as a toaster in the bathtub. The institutionally neutral colors of the walls and floor only served for practicality. No point decorating the hallway leading to the storm drain.

Bella appeared to relax a bit, grateful for the warmth that the building offered her. But she had to know the danger her. Even with her innate draw toward danger and yet complete obliviousness to it, she had to see that these vampires were hoping for the opportunity to kill her.

We were herded into the elevator and I listened as the closer we came to our destination, the more relaxed the guard became. It was as though they were being drawn in, relieved to put the human world behind them.

_Stupid cloaks_, I heard Felix grumble in his mind. _They're such an unfortunate necessity. They do give a terrifying effect though_. He looked over at Bella who was trying to slip in horrified peeks of her surroundings while simultaneously cringing in the corner. At least she wasn't rushing toward danger head on, though I was sorry for her fear. I continued to absently rub her arm in reassurance and kept my eyes focused on Jane. Alice could handle Felix and Demetri if anything got out of hand, but none of us would hold up long against Jane.

Gianna was waiting for us when we exited the elevator into the reception area. She greeted Jane, the obvious leader of our group, with practiced politeness. Jane acknowledged Gianna dismissively. I was a little surprised by the sight of a human, other than Bella, greeting a group of vampires without fear. The last time I was here I had been too consumed with grief to really notice the girl. She was pretty, but stupid. Blinded by the beauty that surrounded her here. A human amongst vampires. Like Bella.

Perhaps we had a chance.

I suppressed a snarl as Felix winked flirtatiously at Gianna, and the girl giggled in return. How could she know that when he winked he was thinking about what her blood would taste like? I could see the knowledge in his thoughts. Her time with the Volturi was almost up.

I fought against the urge to grab Bella and run when I heard Alec's impatient thoughts coming from the other room. _Took her long enough_. I had to admit, separately, the twins were formidable. Together they were undefeatable. It took every ounce of determination I had to continue with Bella into the next room. She followed at my side trustingly.

"Jane," Alec said in greeting. His smile was genuine, but no less sinister than his sister's. He extended his arms toward her.

"Alec," Jane replied, embracing him and kissing him on both cheeks in a flashy display of affection.

"They send you out for one and you come back with two…" -he looked down at Bella condescendingly- "and a half. Nice work."

Jane's responding laugh rang far too clear. It was almost menacing. Much like Jane herself.

Alec turned to me.

"Welcome back, Edward," he said. "You seem in a better mood." His voice was mocking.

"Marginally," I agreed. I wouldn't deny it. Bella was alive and by my side.

Alec laughed quietly, eyeing her.

"And this is the cause of all the trouble?" he asked. _A human? She's decent I suppose, but still…a human. And she smells so sweet. Perhaps he was just sorry he didn't get a taste himself_.

I smiled without any humor. Powerful as he was, I couldn't see Alec knowing what I knew with Bella. It was so like these vampires to not understand. As organized as they were, there was a brutality here that would always keep them from love the way that I felt it. The way that my family felt it. In another circumstance I might have pitied him. But that was impossible right now. Let him think what he would, but Bella would go free.

I froze when I heard Felix's thoughts a second before he spoke.

_Alec wants her. No way. I saw her first._ "Dibs," he called. It was one thing when he was only toying with the desire, but now it looked like he was prepared to fight for the chance to-

I snarled. I wouldn't allow it. If he wanted a fight...

Felix motioned me forward with a smile.

_No!_ I heard Alice behind me. "Patience," she said with a warning touch. _I want her safe as much as you do, but two vampires against four of the Volturi guard? A fight is the last thing we need._ I stared at her. I wanted to rip Felix apart, but she was right. I couldn't protect Bella against all four of them. _Our best bet is to face Aro, Caius, and Marcus. My visions are getting more concrete and if we play this right, we might have a shot._ I scanned her visions with her, wondering what had changed to make the future solidify. It was true. There was an image of Aro, smiling at Bella. I could only hope that it wasn't into reaction to ordering her death.

I took a breath, trying to calm myself.

"Aro will be pleased to see you again," Alec said, obviously trying to move things along.

"Let's not keep him waiting," Jane agreed.

I nodded.

They herded us again down another hallway, stopping half way down to pull aside a panel in the wall open the door behind it. Alice nodded her head reassuringly, sensing my panic when I saw where they were bringing us. Why would they want us here, if not to kill us? This room was specifically designed for the more morbid tasks of the vampire world.

Bella seemed to sense this as I led her in. She shivered slightly again and gazed around her with wide eyes, all the while clinging to me. I couldn't blame her for being afraid. If four unfriendly vampires hadn't been enough, she was now faced with almost a dozen. And they were all thirsty.

My eyes locked on Aro first, searching for some hint of what he intended to do with us. But his face was covered in that smiling mask he so often wore. He had even been smiling when I was first admitted the day before. Despite my obvious suffering he had remained eerily friendly, asking about Carlisle and his recent doings. It wasn't until I requested what I had come for that his smile had faded into a polite concern.

But I had seen Aro's thoughts and he had seen mine. We both knew that his friendly demeanor only rested on the surface and that underneath laid a determined ambition for power. I had suspicions that it ran far deeper than he let on.

I listened intently to his thoughts, but at the moment all I could find was delight.

"Jane, dear one, you've returned!" he cried, coming forward to kiss Jane lightly on the lips in a fatherly fashion. The rest of the guard drifted around him, eyeing Alice and me with wary expression. A few noticed Bella with mixtures of amusement and thirst.

Her eyes had grown wider as Aro grew closer. I noted with my own horror that at least some of hers appeared to have given way to curiosity. How typically Bella.

"Yes, Master," Jane responded with a similar smile to Aro's. But Jane's smile revealed more. It was the smile of a child on Christmas day, eager to break all of her new toys. "I brought him back alive, just as you wished."

"Ah, Jane. You are such a comfort to me." He scanned our little group pleasantly. "And Alice and Bella, too! This _is_ a happy surprise! Wonderful!"

Bella froze as he addressed her, no doubt confused by the familiarity from this frightening stranger.

"Felix," Aro continued. "Be a dear and tell my brothers about our company. I'm sure they wouldn't want to miss this."

"Yes, Master," Felix said, sulking as he slipped away. _If they take the human before I get back_… I fought back a growl.

"You see, Edward?" Aro asked, turning to me. His thoughts were triumphant, and a little smug. "What did I tell you? Aren't you glad that I didn't give you what you wanted yesterday?"

"Yes, Aro, I am," and for a fleeting moment I was absorbed in joy. I pulled Bella closer still.

"I love a happy ending. They are so rare." For a moment I caught a brief glimpse of Marcus in Aro's thoughts. But it wasn't the Marcus I saw before me. Not even the Marcus Carlisle had known. This was a happy Marcus, centuries younger.

Almost immediately the image was gone, as Aro distracted himself, shielding his memories.

"But I want the whole story," he continued. "How did this happen? Alice? Your brother seemed to think you infallible, but apparently there was some mistake."

"Oh I'm far from infallible," she responded, and then briefly lashed out at me with her mind. _And you should know that! To go and risk your life because of my visions…ridiculous!_ She clenched her fists and fought the anger welling within her. Anger and guilt. It was with horror that I realized that she was taking responsibility for this entire situation. She was yelling at me so she wouldn't yell at herself. "As you can see today, I cause problems as often as I cure them."

When this was over, we were going to have a talk. Perhaps even before I talked to Bella. This wasn't Alice's fault. How could she have known? Rosalie's lie had set everything into motion. All Alice had done was fly here to save me. Rosalie was the one to blame.

I stopped that thought before it had a chance to fully form. Getting angry at Rosalie was not going to help anything right now. That would come later.

I focused back on Aro. He was looking at Alice curiously, and I didn't know whether to be frightened or relieved. There was a tone of awe in his mind as he flashed through memories of her. My memories. Perhaps this respect he seemed to have gained for Alice could be used to our advantage. Would he being willing to let us go for her sake? I knew enough of Aro to be wary.

"You're too modest," he said. "I've seen some of your more amazing exploits, and I must admit I've never observed anything like your talent. Wonderful!"

Suddenly the future began to solidify. I watched flashes of future conversations in her mind. Aro's intentions began to make themselves known. They were solidifying as he made a decision.

_I don't understand. He wants us? What did you _tell_ him?_ Alice flashed me a quick look. Aro noticed and smiled slightly.

"I'm sorry, we haven't been introduced properly at all, have we? It's just that I feel like I know you already, and I tend to get ahead of myself. Your brother introduced us yesterday, in a peculiar way. You see, I share some of your brother's talent, only I am limited in a way that he is not."

I turned back to Alice, hoping to somehow convey to her the danger that only I could see. I'd forgotten that she'd never met Aro before. The last time Carlisle had made contact with the Volturi was years before she and Jasper had joined us. All she knew were stories. She wasn't used to his powers.

I could hear the plan forming in Aro's head. _They would be such additions! Us together. Past, present, and future. Nothing would be secret from me._

This was why he brought us back. It had nothing to do with betraying ourselves to humans. It was all about power.

"And also exponentially more powerful," I said, trying to make my words sound both meaningful and insignificant at the same time. "Aro needs physical contact to hear your thoughts, but he hears much more than I do. You know I can only hear what's passing through your head in the moment. Aro hears every thought your mind had ever had."

_So that's how he knows everything? And he wants to reach his abilities further with ours?_

Thank goodness Alice understood. It was essential that we keep our minds on the same page.

I inclined my head in affirmation to her unspoken question. Aro noticed and understood everything implied in the gesture.

"But to be able to hear from a distance…" he said. "That would be so _convenient_." Aro seemed to have no interest in hiding his intentions.

Everyone turned expectantly as Felix entered with Caius and Marcus. The mood of the room changed and picked up pace. Before, we had been engaged in a casual banter, more filler than substance. Now that the three Volturi leaders were together, everyone in the room could sense that the real event was about to start.

Decisions were about to be made.

Aro was the only one who didn't seem to register the change, or if he did, he ignored it.

"Marcus, Caius, look!" he said. His voice had a slightly childlike enthusiasm to it. "Bella is alive after all, and Alice is here with her! Isn't that wonderful?" He turned to me. "Let us have the story."

Caius glared at Bella. He was obviously not pleased with the trouble she had caused.

Marcus looked uninterested. If I had been anyone else in the room I might not have known that he was even paying attention. But as it was, I could hear his mind puzzle over the connections he found between the three of us, most specifically Bella. We were bound more tightly that anything he had seen before. I was tied to her completely. And it wasn't only my love for her, but Alice's as well. He mulled over the question of how two separate vampires could love this one tiny human so completely.

And then on an entirely different level was the relationship that I wish he couldn't see. The relationship of vampire to human. He could see, even now, when my only thought was to keep from losing her, that there was more in me than just love. There was thirst. It wasn't this monster which confused Marcus, but the element of that dangerous relationship next to my love for her. He didn't comprehend how the love and the thirst could reconcile.

As he came to stand beside Aro he touched his palm briefly, asking him all his unspoken questions. _I don't understand it_, he thought.

I snorted quietly. I couldn't help but find some humor in it. Vampires, supposedly the epitome of our kind, and they were baffled by a human. Of course they wouldn't understand this. The human blood they lived on made it difficult for them to break from their animalistic side, but at the same time, they just didn't have the capacity to understand. They had made choices and in making them they had sacrificed the type of love I had found.

"Amazing," he said as Marcus drifted away to sit by Caius. "Absolutely amazing."

_What's funny?_ Alice thought, looking annoyed. _I hate being out of the loop_.

"Marcus sees relationships," I explained quietly. "He's surprised by the intensity of ours."

Aro smiled and his thoughts drifted to images of me, him, and Alice, standing together in our dark robes.

"So convenient," he whispered to himself, and then to us: "It takes quite a bit to surprise Marcus, I can assure you." He reflected on Marcus's thoughts. "It's just so difficult to understand, even now. How can you stand so close to her like that?" His thoughts drifted to my own memories of that first day in biology as her scent bombarded me and how I had almost killed a class room of children. Even as he spoke I felt the venom flow to my mouth, though the sickening feeling that accompanied our danger was foremost.

"It's not without effort," I said.

"But still-_ la tua cantante_! What a waste!"

He _would_ see it that way, wouldn't he? I chuckled, though there was nothing funny about this. How could I explain this to someone like Aro?

"I look at it more as a price," I reasoned.

Aro didn't believe me. "A very high price."

"Opportunity cost."

Though he laughed, he still didn't seem to believe me. "If I hadn't smelled her through your memories, I wouldn't have believed the call of anyone's blood could be so strong. I've never felt anything like it myself. Most of us would trade much for such a gift, and yet you…"

"Waste it," I finished. His blindness was beginning to annoy now. Even if he couldn't see it, why couldn't he accept that it was possible? For a moment the situation almost seemed…absurd.

Aro laughed again. "Ah, how I miss my friend Carlisle! You remind me of him- only he was not so angry."

"Carlisle outshines me in many other ways as well."

"I certainly never thought to see Carlisle bested for self-control of all things, but you put him to shame."

Really, could Aro see nothing? His assumptions were ridiculous. In what way did I have more self-control than Carlisle? I wished he would get to the point already, instead of wasting time with this nonsense.

"Hardly."

"I am gratified by his success. Your memories of him are quite a gift for me, though they astonish me exceedingly. I am surprised by how it…_pleases_ me, his success in this unorthodox path he's chosen. I expected that he would waste, weaken with time. I'd scoffed at his plan to find others who would share his peculiar vision. Yet, somehow, I'm happy to be wrong."

If I said anything I might regret it so I kept my mouth shut. He was rambling now, taking forever to get to his point. I knew where he was going with this and it made me nervous. He envied me my abilities.

"But _your_ restraint! I did not know such strength was possible. To inure yourself against such a siren call, no just once but again and again- if I had not felt it myself, I would not have believed. Just remembering how she appeals to you…it makes me thirsty."

I was immediately on guard. I could feel Bella's breath speed beside me. She was terrified.

"Don't be disturbed," Aro said, as much for her benefit as for mine. "I mean her no harm." I didn't believe that for a second. "But I am _so_ curious, about one thing in particular." _Her mind,_ he asked me with his own. _Is it really silent to you? I suppose she would probably keep me out as well._ "May I?"

"Ask _her_," I replied stonily. Not that her consent would matter to him. He was determined to hear her thoughts, doubting that she could really hold him out. His power had never been challenged in all of the centuries he'd lived through.

"Of course, how rude of me! Bella," he turned to her with a kind expression. "I'm fascinated that you are the one exception to Edward's impressive talent- so very interesting that such a thing should occur! And I was wondering, since our talents are similar in many ways, if you would be so kind as to allow me to try- to see if you are an exception for _me_, as well?"

Bella looked up at me questioningly. She looked about ready to pass out in fear. I started to worry, knowing her tendency toward faintness. I nodded. We didn't have much of a choice.

I listened as Alice scanned for any possible danger. She didn't foresee anything, and Aro's thoughts seemed innocent enough. Even intrigued. I probably should have been glad, but his interest felt wrong. There had to be more here.

Bella shook as she raised one hand up, forcing Aro to come to her, and clutched me tightly with the other. I briefly wondered if she would be able to stand on her own.

Aro came forward confidently and grabbed her hand with his own. Aro opened his mind, listening for her thoughts. I listened intently, admittedly a little curious to see if her thoughts might finally be known to me. I was both disappointed and relieved when all I heard was Aro's frustrated silence.

He held on a little longer than necessary, cataloging his thoughts. Shock, insecurity, awe, and finally anger as he hid behind a polite, friendly smile.

"So very interesting." His voice had a slight note of bitterness as he stepped away.

It felt good to see him put in his place. It was a mystery to me what made him think that he was an exception to the rule, but I obviously put more faith in Bella than he did. She was more powerful than he thought. Foiled by one of the humans that he saw as so far below him.

His bitterness should have warned me. I saw his thoughts, just a second before he spoke them. They were surprisingly petty.

"A first," he said. "I wonder if she is immune to our other talents…. Jane, dear?"

"No!" I snarled. No, no, no. Jane would not get near her. I would kill her before she even knew I was coming. I felt Alice grab my arm to hold me back, and I shook myself loose. They would not experiment with Bella. Not like this.

Jane's thoughts were ecstatic at the prospect. "Yes, Master?"

Snarls ripped through me as I glared furiously at Aro. The entire guard was on edge, poised for a fight which seemed inevitable now. Felix exulted and moved forward in preparation. Aro gave him a warning glance and turned to Jane.

"I was wondering, my dear one," he said lightly as though nothing had changed. "If Bella is immune to _you_."

I moved in front of Bella protectively, trying to keep her out of the way. The best I could hope for was to give her a chance to run. My control was slipping away by the second. Any moment I was going to lose it.

Jane smiled innocently at me.

"Don't!" Alice cried. I watched myself through her eyes as I lunged at Jane.

The pain hit almost instantly. I lost all sense of where I was. My muscles clamped down and I twisted and writhed, not quite sure which direction was the floor. I hadn't felt physical pain like this in a century. I compared it to the burn of my transformation. Every piece of me was on fire, saturated through to the bone. And no matter what I did, nothing would ease it. I struggled to find myself again but I couldn't feel anything outside of the burning. And worse was the inability to do anything. I had left Bella in danger and there was nothing I could do to stop it.

I bit down on my tongue to keep from shouting out. I had to be strong, for Bella. Somewhere far away I could hear her screaming. I wanted to reach out and hold her and make her feel safe, but it was taking all of my effort to keep from screaming out in pain.

It stopped as suddenly as it had started. I lay on the floor trying to pull back the pieces of myself. There was no trace of the feeling left anywhere except my memories, but that alone was enough to make me want to cringe. But I lay, unable to move, on the stone floor and began to gather my wits as quickly as I could.

As Alice reassured Bella, I could hear Jane's mind as she shifted her focus and began to project pain at Bella.

I sprung to my feet immediately and turned in horror, terrified of what I would see. She was so fragile that I couldn't imagine pain like that not leaving a permanent mark on her. I would never forgive myself.

Our eyes met, and I was relieved, so relieved, to see that Bella's face looked sick with worry and nothing else. She stared at me intently, searching, like she was trying to find answers in my face. She was completely unaware that she should have been screaming in pain. Her only worry was me.

I looked at Jane quickly to be sure that she was, indeed, exerting the force that she appeared to be in her mind. I was thrilled to see her face now locked in anger. Her thoughts fumed. I nearly laughed in relief. Bella was immune. She would never have to know the feeling that had just left me incapacitated on the floor.

I looked back at Bella. She seemed to finally be catching on to what was happening. Her eyes opened wide and she stared at Jane in fear before cringing back, not immediately understanding the situation. It took a moment or two for her terror to change into bewilderment.

I sped to her side and took her from Alice's arms to mine.

Aro seemed pleased.

"Ha, ha, ha," he laughed in delight. "This is wonderful!"

It was such a different reaction than the one I was expecting. He had had so much suppressed anger when Bella had evaded his own gift. Now he was excited that she had evaded another? I searched his thoughts. He was awed by her in the same way that he had been awed by Alice. But before I had a chance to examine closer his focus shifted to Jane who was glaring at Bella as though she hoped her eyes could do what her talent could not.

"Don't be put out, dear one," he said. "She confounds us all." He turned to me with another laugh. "You're very brave, Edward, to endure in silence. I asked Jane to do that to me once- just out of curiosity." He shook his head. He was sickening, the way he used that pain with such abandon. "So what do we do with you now?"

I felt Alice stiffen beside me. We both scanned the future, searching for a way out of the sickening 'either-or' that was about to be presented.

"I don't suppose there's any chance that you've changed your mind? Your talent would be and excellent addition to our little company." He sounded hopeful, if a little resigned. _I can be patient_, he thought.

I phrased my words carefully. "I'd…rather…not." That seemed to sound mild enough, considering.

"Alice?" Aro sounded a little more eager now. He'd already had a refusal from me the day before, but with Alice there was a world of opportunity.

"No, thank you," she said.

He didn't seem too hurt by her refusal. I was surprised when he turned to Bella next.

"And you, Bella?"

I hissed, angry at myself as well as Aro. How could I have missed this? His interest in her mind was all a power play. He was testing her powers. This was the thought that had been hovering on the periphery, just managing to escape me. This was as much about Bella as anyone else.

She stared in shock.

I heard several angry thoughts all at once. Nearly half the guard, particularly Felix and Jane, seemed opposed to the idea of the _human_ joining. The other half stared indifferently.

Caius spoke on behalf of the resentful ones in the room.

"What?" he asked in shock.

"Caius, surely you see the potential." Aro looked at him as one might look at a stubborn child. "I haven't seen a prospective talent so promising since we found Jane and Alec. Can you imagine the possibilities when she is one of us?"

I wasn't the only one seething over the way he said 'one of us.' Jane appeared to be just as angry.

I began to growl. This may turn into a fight after all. The only chance of survival was to back Aro into a corner with his own rules, and even then…. It was getting difficult to think as the fury struggled to take over.

For the first time since before we had arrived I hear Bella speak up, quiet and trembling as her voice was.

"No, thank you," she said, obviously struggling to even get the words out. Her bravery gave me my own strength, and the angry fog cleared a bit. Enough for something in me to start piecing together the plan that had already been forming in my mind. It was a last ditch effort, no doubt, but we didn't have much of a choice.

"That's unfortunate," Aro said, sounding truly disappointed this time. His mind was regretful. I would have to act fast.

"Join or die, is that it?" I spat at him. "I suspected as much when we were brought to _this_ room. So much for your laws."

"Of course not," Aro said with a surprised innocence that I didn't quite believe. "We were already convened here, Edward, awaiting Heidi's return. Not for you."

His mind made an attempt to corroborate his story that only partially succeeded. And whatever doubt I found in his mind was only further supported by the frustration in Caius's.

"Aro," Caius hissed. "The law claims them."

"How so?" I challenged. We had done nothing. Aro, Caius, and Marcus all knew this. He could accuse us of law breaking all he wanted but he needed proof to support it, and there wasn't any. Were they willing to lie to get what they wanted? With the entire guard to witness? If I was going to succeed into trapping them with their words, my own abilities were not much of a help. This was one conversation that would have to be spoken aloud.

"She knows too much." He pointed at Bella while continuing to glare at me. "You have exposed our secrets."

"There are a few humans in on you charade here, as well," I pointed out.

I listened intently as Caius decided to switch tactics. He smiled, knowing that I couldn't refute what was to come.

"Yes," he said with a leer. "But when they are no longer useful to us, they will serve to sustain us. That is not your plan for this one. If she betrays our secrets, are you prepared to destroy her? I think not."

"I wouldn't-" Bella began to say, but one look from Caius and she broke off and clutched at me, frightened. _How dare she interrupt_, he thought. I scowled.

He continued as though she hadn't spoken. "Nor do you intend to make her one of us. Therefore, she is a vulnerability." His smile widened, taking on an aspect of Aro's casual tone. "Though it is true, for this, only _her_ life is forfeit. You may leave if you wish."

I bared my teeth in response. Obviously, I wasn't about to leave without her. He had seen me yesterday. He knew as well as I did that life without Bella was not an option.

"That's what I thought," Caius said.

"Unless…," Aro added, attempting to diffuse the hostility. He did not want Bella dead. It was unfortunate, but he appeared to be my strongest ally at this point. "Unless you do intend to give her immortality?"

"And if I do?"

Aro liked this idea. "Why, then you would be free to go home and give my regards to my friend Carlisle. But I'm afraid you would have to mean it." He held out his hand.

_He'd never change her. It's to much to ask of him_, Caius thought gladly. _The stupid boy seems to like her human for some reason_.

I stared at Bella intently, imagining her as a vampire. Her chocolate brown eyes replaced by fierce red ones and her skin, even paler than it was now, without its rosy blush. The sound of her racing heart beat loudly in my ear, deafening me. I tried to make myself believe that I wanted it, that I meant it. Could I really do that to her? Another act of unspeakable selfishness on my part to keep her alive, so to speak?

I would have died before I let them touch her, but part of me knew that I didn't stand a chance. No matter what I did, they could, and would, kill her. My options were limited. Let her die, or make her a vampire. This was not the 'either-or' I had expected. I hadn't prepared myself for this.

Bella stared back at me anxiously.

"Mean it," she begged me. "Please."

She sounded so scared and looked like she might fall apart any moment. She didn't want to die. Not like this. She deserved to live until she was old. Then, one day, she would fade away peacefully in her sleep. But today she would live.

I focused and let myself give in to the selfishness that I had kept locked away for so long. The side of me that wanted only her, in every way. I let myself picture her with me, forever. I saw myself kissing her without restraint, in a way that I had never allowed myself before. I imagined her beside me and we ran through the forest together, equal. I would no longer have to struggle against my burning thirst when I held her. I would hold her to me forever.

I wanted all this so badly. Could I be selfish, for her?

Alice, silent throughout, now moved forward toward Aro. _Allow me_, she thought. _You have enough to worry about. Besides, even if you're not willing to change her, I am._

Aro moved toward her and took her hand eagerly. He bowed his head, and I listened intently to his mind.

It was a strange feeling, hearing everything Alice had ever thought. It moved so quickly that most of it wasn't actual reflection in the moment. It was more of a general knowledge, as though they were my own memories. All of a sudden, I simply remembered. I remembered meeting Jasper in the dinner, and then later Carlisle and his family at his home. I remembered bounding down the stairs to meet Bella for the first time, and I could remember leaving her without a goodbye. Possibly the worst moment was when I remembered returning, unedited. There was so much pain Alice had hidden from me, in everyone. I had left everything behind me in shambles.

Now was not the time for this. I would have forever to hate myself for what I had done. I didn't allow myself to dwell and instead shifted to other, less painful memories.

The strangest thing was that for most of these events there were two sets of memories. One of the actual event and then another as a vision of the event. And for every vision there were other visions that had never come to be.

I had so many memories that I didn't know what to do with them. Some thoughts were even duplicates of my own memory as I had listened to her thoughts at the time.

The most important image was a vision that had been replayed in my mind again and again. It was the image of Bella, vampire red eyes and a cold beauty to her, with her arm around Alice's waist. The vision that had haunted me for over a year, and that I had tried so desperately to change. And now, more than even, it was a certainty. Infallible.

Aro began to laugh. "That was _fascinating_!"

"I'm glad you enjoyed it," she replied.

"To see the things you've seen- especially the ones that haven't happened yet!"

"But that will," she reaffirmed.

"Yes, yes, it's quite determined. Certainly there's no problem."

Aro seemed to be the only one of the Volturi who- with the exception of Marcus who didn't seem to care if we lived, died, or decided to stage a coup- felt this way, but that was enough. Like reaching the light at the end of a dark tunnel, I could finally see the future start to solidify and place us away from here.

"Aro," Caius complained, sounding a little like a whiney child.

"Dear Caius," Aro replied. "Do not fret. Think of the possibilities! They do not join us today, but we can always hope for the future. Imagine the joy young Alice will bring to our little household…Besides, I'm so terribly curious to see how Bella turns out!"

Bella was sinking into my side more and more. I didn't know how much longer she might last before she gave way to terror and exhaustion. Now that our fates had been decided, I was eager to leave. We could work out the vampire transformation business later. Right now, the most important thing was taking care of Bella and getting her home.

"Then are we free to go now?" I asked, trying to move things along.

"Yes, yes. But please visit again. It's been absolutely enthralling!"

"And we will visit you as well," Caius added, his threat clear. "To be sure that you follow through on your side. Were I you, I would no delay too long. We do not offer second chances." _I _will_ kill her next time_, he thought.

I nodded curtly.

In his mind, Felix was whining about his thirst, disappointed that he wouldn't be allowed a taste of Bella. He groaned out loud.

"Ah, Felix," Aro said. "Heidi will be here at any moment. Patience."

"Hmm," I mumbled, worried now. Bella couldn't be anywhere near that. It was a side of our world that I never wanted her to see, and I could see through the thirsty images in several of the guard's minds that the Volturi were particularly brutal when they fed. I didn't know how she would react if she found out what type of room she had actually been brought to. "In that case, perhaps we'd better leave sooner rather than later."

"Yes," Aro agreed. "That's a good idea. Accidents _do_ happen. Please wait below until after dark, though, if you don't mind."

"Of course," I said.

"And here." Aro gestured for Felix to come forward. He took the robe from Felix's shoulders and tossed it to me. "Take this. You're a little conspicuous."

It was an awkward thing to wear, but I put it on anyways. The protection it provided might make it a little easier for Bella when I held her. She hadn't stopped shaking the entire time we'd been in this room.

Aro's thoughts were wistful as he looked at me in the cloak.

"It suits you," he said.

I was laughing quietly when I heard the elevator doors open. I immediately stopped. The large crowd of beating hearts was making the mind of every vampire in the room scream out in thirst. It was time to leave.

"Thank you, Aro," I said quickly. "We'll wait below."

"Goodbye, young friends," Aro said in farewell.

I was tempted to pick Bella up and make a run for it, but that would not only startle the crowd of humans as we passed and further annoy the Volturi, but it would also give Bella an unnecessary scare, which was exactly what I was trying to avoid. So the best I could do was to hurry her along myself.

"Let's go," I said impatiently.

Demetri motioned for us to follow him, and I dragged Bella toward the door.

"Not fast enough," Alice said as she followed. I saw the vision of a large group of humans and Bella's shocked face. I tried to move faster still, but they had already begun to come through the small door, and we were going to have to wait until they had all passed through. We were forced to move back to give them room to enter and face their deaths. It wasn't long before they would begin to hunt, and we needed to be gone before that happened.

Bella was looking around with wide eyes. I acted just a moment to late. Realization dawned on her face as I pulled it into my chest to shield her from the sight of all these humans, rounded up like farm animals.

I found a break in the flow of people and pulled her through the door.

I would have continued at a run, but Demetri stopped in the hallway to talk to the newly arrived member of the guard.

"Welcome home, Heidi," he said. She smiled back, not really paying attention. She was thirsty too, and eager to get inside. And also vaguely curious by my presence here with Bella.

"Demetri," she replied with a nod.

"Nice fishing," Demetri complimented.

I could feel Bella's shaking worsen in my arms the longer we waited. I know he didn't care, but we needed to leave.

"Thanks," said Heidi. "Aren't you coming?"

"In a minute. Save a few for me."

She nodded, and continued through the doorway after the last of the humans.

I tried to get Bella out of earshot before they started to hunt, but I wasn't quick enough. The screams followed us down the hallway as we scrambled through the door into the reception room.


	3. Flight

22. FLIGHT

Once we had made it through the doors and away from the noise, I turned all of my attention to Bella. She was beginning to shake violently and her breath was coming out in uneven gasps.

"Do not leave until dark," Demetri warned. I nodded briefly, and he slipped away, eager to join everyone else as they fed.

Gianna looked at us passively, but I could hear the curiosity in her mind. The Volturi didn't just give away their cloaks like tee shirts at a sports game. _I wonder if he joined_, she thought, a little enviously. _His tastes in companions are certainly…unique_. She eyed Bella.

I ignored her and focused on Bella myself. She looked so pale I was afraid she might pass out. Feather-light as she was, I was carrying most of her weight, while she clung to me with all the strength she could find. Her face was wet with free flowing tears, and she was choking on silent sobs.

"Are you all right?" I asked. It was a stupid question- of course she wasn't all right- but I didn't know what else to do. All those years of medical training and I didn't even know where to begin. It wasn't as though I'd never seen Bella cry before. I had comforted her on many occasions. Bella teared up easily. But this was different. For the first time I could remember, Bella was truly terrified of vampires. Even last year when James had been hunting her, she'd seemed more afraid of him specifically than of vampires as a whole. She'd still run off to face him head on, without as much as a goodbye.

I remembered our first meetings, all those times I'd hoped for her terror, and my consequent frustration at her complete dismissal of my hideous instincts. I had always been baffled by her nonchalant attitude to this world of monsters. Up until the moment I left I was constantly on edge, waiting for her to realize what exactly she had gotten herself into.

Now that I had finally gotten what I wanted, all I could feel was remorse. And the worst of it was that I was a vampire too. I wanted to kiss away all of her fears, but any moment now she was going to have a wave of realization and run screaming into the streets of Volterra. I could lose her all over again. I didn't know if I was strong enough for that. I knew what it was to lose Bella. Without her I felt almost as fragile as she was. I might not make it.

"You'd better make her sit before she falls," Alice, always perceptive, suggested. "She's going to pieces."

Bella looked around frantically. As if to prove what Alice had said, the sound of her sobs began to grow until she was crying out. She tottered along beside me as I practically carried her to one of the seats in the corner. I stared, at a loss for what to do.

"Shh, Bella, shh," I hushed, rubbing her back. I felt completely useless. If there was ever a moment to read her mind, now would be it. I would know exactly how she wanted- or didn't want- to be held. I could find the fears as they floated through her mind and then fight them off. I could protect her from them. Right now I was fighting an unseen enemy. Like I always did when I was with Bella, I felt blind. Only this time I was blind in the midst of a hurricane. If I didn't do something soon she was in danger of hyperventilating. She might possibly even have a panic attack.

"I think she's having hysterics," Alice commented, noting my indecision. "Maybe you should slap her."

I flashed a look at Alice. I didn't know whether to yell at her angrily for suggesting such violence or to actually do it. I knew what I would have done before, months ago, when things were simpler. I would have gathered her in my arms without hesitation and soothed away the panic. But right now I still didn't know if my presence would make things better or worse.

Would she want me to hold her, as I was so desperate to do? She hadn't yet had the realization that I was waiting for, and though it was quite possible that she was as terrified of me as I thought, I had no way of knowing. All I could do was what I felt was right. I gave in to my protective nature.

"It's all right, you're safe, it's all right," I repeated, finally pulling her onto my lap and rubbing her back reassuringly. I kept my movements as slow and light as I possibly could, afraid to jolt or startle her even slightly. I carefully wrapped my cloak around her shoulders to keep her warm, tucking in the edges like she was a child. It comforted me a bit to note how she curled herself into me, just as she always had, though she was twisted at a slightly awkward angle so she could stare up at my face as she sobbed.

Her eyes seemed to be flickering in and out. There were moments when she would study my face intently and then her eyes would become slightly glassy. I had no doubt that she was thinking of the horrific slaughter that was taking place in the other room. I could only hope that she was too hysterical to think rationally and connect my face with the hungry faces of the Volturi.

"All those people," she choked out during one of her glazed moments.

"I know," I whispered.

"It's so horrible."

"Yes, it is. I wish you hadn't had to see that." And I wished she could know how much.

She leaned against me and wiped her eyes with the cloak. I could feel her struggling to breathe properly. I took steady breaths myself, trying to calm her body by proxy.

I heard a shuffling across the room as Gianna gave into her curiosity and began to move toward us. She was an obnoxious girl, with an obnoxious mind. No wonder the Volturi didn't intend to keep her. She was far too curious for her own good. That trait was probably what had led her to the Volturi in the first place.

_Humans _never_ leave here_, she thought. _They either join or die. Those are the two options. He has a cloak on, so perhaps they both joined? But then why is she crying? She's not strong enough for anything we would require._ There was a note of smugness to her thoughts in the way she grouped herself with the Volturi._ I'll offer some help to get the ball rolling. Maybe the guy will let something slip while he concentrates on keeping the human freaking out. Yes, she is definitely too weak_. The way she thought the word 'human' baffled me.

"Is there anything I can get for you?" she cooed at me, leaning close. _Perhaps my scent might catch his attention_, she thought. I bristled at her proximity. Her dealings with vampires had left her with no sense.

"No," I answered curtly, making it very clear she had no part in this. Let her questions stew, as long as she left us alone.

She nodded and headed back to her desk. Her smile was plastered in place over her indignation at my severity. She was well practiced hiding her emotions from vampires. She just wasn't used to a vampire who could read her mind.

"Does she know what's going on here?" Bella asked quietly. Her tears had almost slowed to a stop, and her breathing was starting to become more regular, though she hiccupped every few seconds.

I chose my words carefully.

"Yes. She knows everything."

"Does she know they're going to kill her someday?" Bella was more clever than Gianna and her fear was much more rational than Gianna's acceptance. Gianna was facing the danger here without batting an eye, hoping with all her being that they would one day allow her to become a monster as well.

I pondered that. Perhaps Bella was more like Gianna than I'd thought.

"She knows it's a possibility," I said bitterly. Bella furrowed her eyebrows in an expression that was both surprised and confused. All of a sudden this had become less about the Volturi receptionist than it was about Bella. Could she see the similarities? She had to understand what she wanted to become now. "She's hoping they'll decide to keep her."

Bella's eyes widened in shock. I was worried again that she might pass out.

"She wants to be one of them?" she whispered. I nodded. Bella had obviously changed her mind about vampires. It had taken over a year, but I could see that reality had finally begun to set in. It was only a matter of time before she returned to Forks and cut the ties. She'd had enough of the vampire world. It made me ache to my core, but I couldn't blame her for it.

"How can she want that?" Bella asked quietly, shaking her head. "How can she watch those people file through to that hideous room and want to be a part of _that_?"

I could think of anything to say, partly because I agreed with her myself. After seeing "that", as Bella had put it, it was impossible not to be disgusted. Even I was disgusted with myself. My hands were filthy with human blood. I had killed so many people. It was true, they were monsters themselves, but at times I wondered. How many people had I left to grieve? Bella knew that I had killed. She knew what I was, but did she understand the pleasure I had found in it? That was what truly made me a monster. I had killed people to selfishly quench my thirst, and even though I had ended life after life, part of me still wanted more. Did Bella realize that my natural instinct was to join the Volturi in their massacre?

That consumed most of my thoughts and made my face briefly twist in pain. Bella understood what I was now, and she most certainly did not want "that". She couldn't. I knew I deserved every word and more, but the rejection implied in her words hurt almost as much as the knowledge that my time with her was limited. She didn't want to be a vampire anymore. She wouldn't want me.

Quite suddenly Bella burst into tears. I stared in surprise. Was she crying over the people, who were most certainly dead by now? She had seen so many of the things that I'd tried to hide and had far too many reasons to be crying. I couldn't narrow it down to one.

"What's wrong?" I asked, not certain if I wanted to know. She grabbed my neck and pulled herself close.

"Is it really sick for me to be happy right now?" she managed to choke out through her tears.

Confusing words, but they described my feelings so well. Despite the pain I felt knowing what she must think of me, I was happy. And if she was happy too, perhaps I had misread her. I allowed myself the smallest amount of hope that maybe she was glad of my presence for more than just the protection it offered. In this moment she was mine and I gave myself up to it. I hugged her closer still, fighting the urge to hold on- as though she were a buoy in the midst of a storm- with all my strength.

"I know what you mean," I said into her hair. "But we have lots of reasons to be happy. For one, we're alive."

"Yes," she said. "That's a good one."

"And together," I added, tentatively. I said it so faintly I wasn't sure she heard me until she nodded her head. She did it absently and, was it just me or did my words make her seem a little glum? My heart sank. I tried not to think of it, and instead focused on my own words. _Together_. "And with any luck, we'll still be alive tomorrow."

"Hopefully."

"The outlook is quite good," Alice broke in softly. She'd been sitting quietly, vaguely scanning the future, trying to keep her thoughts quiet for my sake. I gave her a little smile of appreciation. She was as eager to leave as I was. "I'll see Jasper in less than twenty-four hours." Good. I would owe her forever, and it was good to know that we were on a path taking us home. I was glad to see her future in order. I only wished that she would focus on mine. Or Bella's. We're they one?

I was so certain that Bella must now hate what I was that it was with some confusion that I noticed her staring at me intently. All I could do was stare back. She'd said she was happy, and strange as it was, she looked it too. But her actions were so mixed. She didn't _seem_ scared as she held on to me tightly, but there was a definite look of apprehension in her eyes. Had I misunderstood? Had she? What was she _thinking_?

I had loved her from a distance for so long that holding her close now was making my head turn in all different directions, though every one pointed to Bella. If she still loved me, I would spend eternity making up for what I had done. I would do everything I could and hope for her forgiveness.

I traced every line that I had missed for so long. She was more beautiful than I had remembered. Her chocolate brown eyes were still liquid with tears, and her cheeks had faint marks from were the moisture had left a trail. Her eyes were puffy from crying and framed by dark circles.

"You look so tired," I whispered, running my fingers along the circles. How long had she been awake? I had assumed her exhaustion came from the ordeal with the Volturi, but now I began to wonder about her trip over. She and Alice had gotten here fast. Her fatigue seemed to go much deeper than the past few hours. She must be in desperate need of sleep.

"And you look thirsty," Bella replied.

Did I really? My throat burned, but it seemed secondary. If a vampire could ever lose his appetite, this was probably how he would feel. There were so many other things that were more important than blood right now. Like rubbing my hand along Bella's arm. Much more important.

"It's nothing," I said with a shrug.

"Are you sure? I could sit with Alice," she offered. She looked about as sincere as Alice had when she'd promised to stop altering my wardrobe. At any other time I would have laughed, but I was too tense. Instead I sighed.

"Don't be ridiculous. I've never been in better control of _that_ side of my nature than right now."

I continued to stare at her intently, memorizing every detail of her. I felt like someone who had lost their favorite book, and then years later found it again. I was rereading everything. I hadn't forgotten any of it, but it there was so much to take in again. I had every word memorized, but it was just different when the book was right in front of you.

Alice used her mind to quietly ask me what I thought we should for travel arrangements back to Forks. I didn't particularly care at this point so long as I could stare at Bella, but I knew Alice was eager to get back to Jasper, and it was true that I was equally as eager to get Bella away from Italy.

"You can handle it, can't you?" I murmured.

"I brought some cash," she replied. "So plane tickets shouldn't be a problem. I noticed the local law enforcement eyeing the car we arrived in when I parked, so I'll need a minute or two to steal another." I caught a glimpse of Alice speeding through Italy in a yellow Porsche. Her thoughts had an element of whimsy to them.

"That's fine. Just make it quick."

_I know,_ _I'm ready to leave too Edward,_ Alice thought._ It's almost sunset. We'll be out of here soon._

I nodded and continued to stare at Bella. For a moment it was silent in the room with the exception of Gianna's pencil scratching and an occasional quick breath from Bella as she finally regained the last bits of her composure. I kissed her softly on the tip of the nose.

Alice broke the silence.

"What was all that talk about _singers_?" she asked curiously.

"_La tua cantante_," I clarified.

"Yes, that," Alice said, and then with her mind: _Stop being a know it all. I speak Italian too. Just explain what it is already_.

I shrugged lightly as I explained. "They have a name for someone who smells the way Bella does to me. They call her my _singer_- because her blood sings for me."

Alice laughed at that. _I can't believe you've finally found someone more melodramatic than you, Edward._

"Yes, well, we've cleared it all up now, haven't we?"

"Only after flying half-way around the world," she lowered her voice so only I could hear. "She completely lost it, you know- when she found out what you were planning."

I sighed, brushed a piece of hair from Bella's forehead, and kissed it lightly. She stared back up at me, but her eyes were drifting in and out of focus. I doubted she was really paying attention. It was obvious that every moment she was drifting closer to unconsciousness, but she seemed determined to stay awake. The more her body fought to sleep, the more her mind fought against it. I imagined that pretty soon she was going to hit some strange middle ground and fall asleep with her eyes open.

"When was the last time she slept?" I asked.

"On the plane ride here, but it was restless. She was tossing and turning the entire time."

I brushed my fingers along Bella's lips. "Did she say anything?"

"Mostly just your name. She was worrying about you. I was so focused on your plans that I didn't see much else in the future, but every once and a while- when your plans had us arriving too late- I would see her. I don't know if she would have survived if we were too late."

I moved my hand to Bella's head and stroked her hair as my breath caught.

Alice continued. "I'm only saying this because I know you, and I know what you're thinking. Bella wants you. Don't doubt that."

"I left behind such a mess. How can she forgive me for that? Especially now that she's seen…what she's seen."

"She's determined to keep you as long as she can."

"Your visions change." Alice was already shaking her head at me, but I held up a hand. "It's true. For some reason she wants me now, but she'll realize what that means eventually. I can't have her forever." I leaned down to kiss her hair.

My mouth was still lingering there when I heard Alec approach. I instinctively held Bella tighter. She saw Alice look over as he entered, and instantly scrambled beneath my arms in fear, finally resting tensely with her face pressed into my chest.

Alec looked at us with a condescending smile, in a slightly more jovial mood now that he had fed.

"You're free to leave now," he said, waving his hand lightly as though he hadn't just recently been contemplating Bella's blood. "We ask that you don't linger in the city."

Alec may feel a little friendlier now, but I most certainly didn't.

"That's won't be a problem," I said curtly. Alec smiled distractedly, nodded his acknowledgment and swept out of the room. We had lost all his interest now.

I lifted Bella up from my lap and placed her on her feet.

"Follow the right hallway around the corner to the first set of elevators," Gianna instructed, with one last glimpse at Bella. "The lobby is two floors down, and exits to the street. Goodbye, now." She returned to whatever it was she had been doing at her desk and did not look up again.

_I supposed I should feel sorry for her_, Alice thought as we headed down the hallway. On any other day I would have, but I couldn't find the room to care for anything other than Bella at the moment.

We made our way out of the building and Bella's head snapped back and forth. Her eyes took in her surroundings, looked curiously at the building, anxiously forward, and trustingly up at me. As we entered into the street and Alice snuck away quickly to steal a car for us, Bella seemed vaguely fascinated by all of the humans in their vampire attire. As if the Volturi weren't enough, now we were faced with humans pretending they were the Volturi, though I was sure they didn't know the origins of their costumes.

"Ridiculous," I muttered. Alice was right. The Volturi definitely had me bested when it came to the dramatic.

It took a little while for Bella's sleep-deprived brain to notice that we were alone in our group, but when she did she seemed suddenly alert.

"Where's Alice?" She whispered to me.

"She went to retrieve your bags from where she stashed them this morning," I replied, attempting to sooth her. Everything seemed to make her jump. One moment she was asleep on her feet, and the next she was frantically searching the crowd.

"She's stealing a car, too, isn't she?" she asking with a small smile. I was glad to see that at least some of her good humor had returned.

"Not till we're outside," I answered with my own smile.

Her energy was brief, and almost as soon as I had answered her questions she sunk into me again. I was tempted to carry her, but I was afraid of drawing too much attention. Instead I supported her weight with my arm as best I could without dragging her.

I was surprised at how quickly my mood had changed. Certainly I would feel better once we were out of the city, but now that I had put at least some distance- with more to come- between us and the Volturi, I felt somehow buoyant. I suspected it had something to do with Bella.

_Over here_, Alice called with her mind. She was waiting in a black sedan, hidden in the shadows. I was grateful to see that she had gone for stealth over speed in her choice of cars. I held open the back door for Bella and helped her stumble onto the seat and then swiftly slid in beside her, letting her curl up into me once again. I had missed holding her like this as she fell asleep in my arms.

"I'm sorry," Alice said, slightly sarcastic, as she started up the car and tore out of the city. "There wasn't much to choose from." _I know how you like your cars_.

So that's how she wanted it?

"It's fine, Alice," I replied with a smirk. She really wasn't in a place to judge. "They can't all be 911 Turbos."

_I think I might get what Edward and Rose see in those cars now_, she thought to herself with a sigh. "I may have to acquire one of those legally. It was fabulous."

"I'll get you one for Christmas," I said. It was the least I could do.

"Yellow."

Bella twisted closer in my arms and I leaned my face into her hair.

"You can sleep now, Bella," I encouraged. "It's over." Now that I was calmer, I hoped that she was the same. I was here to watch her and protect her while she slept.

"I don't want to sleep," she mumbled. "I'm not tired."

She was such a bad liar, even under the best of circumstances. Now it almost seemed like a joke. She couldn't expect me to believe her when her eyes couldn't even focus properly. I should have known. She wasn't a vampire. She wouldn't get over her ordeal that quickly. Who knows how long she'd be afraid to close her eyes. But still, she was going to have to sleep sometime or her body would give out.

I leaned in to the hollow under her ear and whispered as soothingly as I could. "Try."

She shook her head weakly.

I sighed in frustration. Why wouldn't she take care of herself? Had I really inflicted so much pain that she thought I would just let something happen to her if she slept? She was being ridiculous. "You're still just as stubborn."

I stroked her hair soothingly as we sped to Florence. There were several times where I thought she might actually have fallen asleep, but then she would sit up abruptly, readjust, and lie back against me again.

She gained a little energy when we entered the airport in Florence. Unfortunately in the busy rush of the terminal the Volturi cloak was attracting quite a few stares. Alice slipped into a nearby store and bought me some clothes, never one to trust someone else with their own shopping decisions. She handed them to me along with Bella's bag and instructions to make her change and clean up, and then headed off to buy tickets for our flight.

"I'll meet you by the ticket counter," she said and slid away through the crowds.

Tired as Bella was, I was seriously tempted to follow her into the bathroom and help her change. I wasn't even sure that I'd let go of her since all of this had started, let alone had her out of my sight. But she seemed awake enough to handle a simple change of clothes and against my better judgment I let her slip out of my arms and into the airport bathroom. I watched the door anxiously behind her.

As I waited I listened intently to the sound of her heartbeat echoing off the bathroom tiles. Its rhythm comforted me in a way that I hadn't felt in months. My own body, empty for almost a hundred years, felt full in a way that I had never known I needed until recently. I'd long ago accepted that I was without a soul and without a heartbeat. They were just some of the many fundamental things that I was missing. I hadn't realized that I'd found them in Bella until I'd left and realized how empty I felt. I didn't understand how I hadn't noticed this during the decades before we'd come to Forks. Having her had somehow become and essential part of my being. Even now, though she was in the next room, I felt complete. Whole again.

As I heard her begin to brush her teeth, I slipped into the men's room and quickly changed into the generic jeans and button down shirt Alice had purchased. They weren't the most comfortable things I'd ever worn, but they fit well enough and didn't say "Italia" anywhere on them. That had to be worth something considering where they were purchased. I could trash the cloak later in some place less conspicuous than an airport bathroom.

I was back in front of the women's restroom before Bella had rinsed her toothbrush. She emerged, not long after, looking much like she always did. But there was still something about her- little hints- that suggested an underlying element She seemed worn around the edges. Her eyes had heavy circles underneath them, and her hair was slightly messy as though it hadn't been bothered with in months. Even her posture looked a little insecure, as though she were out of the habit of being around people. Guilt shot through me when I noticed these things. There was no doubt in my mind that they were my fault.

She was in my arms instantly and we hurried off toward the ticket counter to meet Alice. We were in the air on our way to Rome not long after.

I took Bella's silence during the flight to indicate her fatigue so I stroked her hair and arms in an attempt to coax her to sleep. But Bella had never been one to act on her self-preservation instincts. Her body's need for sleep probably only seemed like a nagging suggestion to her. She simply continued staring at my face hesitantly as she had been for the past several hours. If she was content with that then I most certainly was as well. There wasn't much else that I would rather do at this point than stare right back. There were worse ways to spend an hour.

Our trip from Rome to Atlanta would not be so easy. She was most definitely going to sleep for the nine hour flight because even if I wouldn't get tired staring, she would.

Alice took advantage of her seating in the row behind us to call Jasper and assure him that everyone was alright. I listened with vague interest as she recounted the trip to him, explaining the preceding events in more detail than I'm sure she had before. She then went on to give a downplayed version of events from Volterra, but I was sure that he would see through it. Jasper knew the Volturi better than any of us.

"Could I have a coke, please?" I heard Bella ask the flight attendant as she passed. The lady nodded and headed off to grab one.

"Bella," I said, looking down at her disapprovingly. Caffeine was the _last_ thing she needed. I still knew her well enough to know that.

"I don't want to sleep," she said. Her face grew worried as she remembered. "If I close my eyes now, I'll see things I don't want to see. I'll have nightmares."

I shut my mouth at that. Of course she didn't want to sleep.

I spent the rest of the flight enjoying the immense relief that had been kept at bay until now. Now that we were safely on our way out of Italy the Volturi seemed irrelevant. The only thing I could focus on was Bella. I had nine hours to spend rememorizing everything about her. Let events fall as they may when we were back in Washington, but for right now all that mattered was that I loved her. I couldn't think of what to say, or where to begin, but words were unimportant. I was too intoxicated simply looking her.

I took in every detail, bit by bit. I traced my fingers along her face, her hair, her eyes. I watched her lips as she drank her soda. I couldn't get enough of her.

I wanted to kiss her. More than anything, I wanted to feel her lips on mine. But I was kept in check by my fear. I still didn't know if she wanted me that way. It was one thing being relieved that I was alive, but to go back to the way things were might be too much. If I kissed her, it was entirely possible that I would break whatever spell she was under. She might say no. She would gently try and push me away. With a sheepish look she would tell me that she'd moved on.

I couldn't think about that. Not when she was staring at me and I felt as though the past seven months had never happened. She traced her fingers along my face. I leaned in and kissed her hair again. I brushed my face down to her forehead and kissed it as well. It was as close as I would dare to go, but for right now it was enough.

It was early morning when our last flight finally arrived in Seattle. Bella shuffled through the terminal beside me, not seeing anything anymore. At this point she simply stumbled forward to wherever I directed her. Judging by Alice's visions on the plane, our family would appear any moment.

I saw Jasper first as he walked straight for Alice. His face was passive, but his thoughts were full of turmoil. I tried to ignore them out of respect, and instead looked around for Carlisle and Esme.

_Thank you, Lord, for bringing them back safely_, Carlisle was thinking.

_Edward Anthony Masen, how_ dare_ you do this to us!_ I winced at the pain in Esme's thoughts. If she had been anyone else she would probably have been screaming at me. But the fear I could hear was bad enough. I really hadn't thought about her when I'd left and the reminder of all the people I had almost hurt grabbed at my conscience.

Once we were in the shadows where they stood, Esme rushed forward and embraced Bella, who looked completely overwhelmed. She whispered a fervent "thank you" in her ear and then turned on me. Even though I didn't let go of Bella, Esme threw her arms around me anyways.

"You will _never_ put me through that again," she said. She really was angry. But fortunately for us, she was mostly relieved.

"Sorry, Mom," I said with an apologetic smile. If only no one had told Esme about this, things would have gone a whole lot smoother. I hated to have caused her so much pain. As much as I might tease her, she really was a mother to me.

"Thank you, Bella," Carlisle said. "We owe you."

"Hahrley…" Bella mumbled. The caffeine had clearly worn off.

"She's dead on her feet," Esme said disapprovingly. "Let's get her home." I couldn't have agreed more. Esme put her arm around Bella and we continued through the airport toward the parking structure. Carlisle followed behind us, with Alice and Jasper behind him.

_I don't even think she can walk_, Esme thought. _Didn't you let her sleep on the plane ride at _all_?_

I gave her a look and then rolled my eyes.

I stiffened automatically when we reached the parking garage and I realized that Rosalie had decided to come. She was leaning against Carlisle's car, holding Emmett's hand and eyeing Bella and me warily as was approached. Everyone in my family, except maybe Alice, was trying to persuade me to go easy on her. I ignored them.

Rosalie's thoughts were quiet, but intense. I could hear the guilt that saturated her mind.

Good. She ought to feel guilty after what she had done, not just to me, but Bella and Alice too. All three of us could have died, and all because of her stupid, ignorant self-centeredness.

Esme noticed the tension.

"Don't," she said, always protective of her children, Rosalie included. "She feels awful."

"She should," I said back, loudly and pointedly.

"It's not her fault," Bella piped up weekly from my side. I was inclined to disagree.

"Let her make amends," Esme agreed. "We'll ride with Alice and Jasper."

I glared. I did not enjoy being ganged up on, especially by the few people who actually had a chance of convincing me. It would be so much easier if they would just allow me to hate Rosalie as she deserved.

"Please, Edward," Bella pleaded.

_I'm sorry, Edward, so sorry_, Rosalie thought. _I didn't know. I didn't understand how much this all meant. There was no way for me to know that she was really alive. It was all a terrible mistake._

I sighed and continued toward the car. Let her beg forgiveness all she wanted, as long as she let me take Bella home.

I climbed into the back seat with Bella, purposely ignoring Rosalie and her apologetic glances. Bella leaned her head on my chest and appeared to have finally given in to exhaustion.

"Edward," Rosalie started, but I cut her off.

"I know," I said. And I did know. That didn't make it ok.

Rosalie turned. _If you won't listen to me, maybe she will at least._

"Bella?" she asked tentatively.

Bella looked up, surprised. "Yes, Rosalie?"

"I'm so very sorry, Bella. I feel wretched about every part of this, and so grateful that you were brave enough to go save my brother after what I did. Please say you'll forgive me." I _was_ surprised at this response. Rosalie had never liked Bella, and certainly never respected her. Now all of a sudden, gratitude hung off of every word she spoke.

"Of course, Rosalie," Bella responded vaguely. She seemed barely aware of what she was saying. "It's not your fault at all. I'm the one who jumped off the damn cliff. Or course I forgive you." She was far more generous than Rosalie deserved. Rosalie ought to take advantage of Bella's forgiveness because mine would not be so easily given.

Emmett laughed at Bella's mumbles. _Humans_, he thought. "It doesn't count until she's conscious, Rose."

"I'm conscious," Bella argued faintly. If not for my heightened senses, it might have been difficult to hear her. She was almost out.

"Let her sleep," I said and everyone was silent.

Bella had finally given up and was asleep within minutes.

We remained relatively silent throughout the drive to Forks. Rosalie continued to broadcast her apologies and regrets with her mind, but I tuned out everything except for Bella.

Even if I couldn't hear every word, the anxiety was clear in Charlie's mind when our headlights flashed through his window in Forks. I began to brace myself, knowing that I'd have to let Bella go, even if it was only long enough to convince Charlie that I was really gone.

I gently lifted Bella and carried her up the driveway to her house. Charlie's anxiety turned into fury within seconds when he saw me. I couldn't blame him. It wasn't possible that he felt anything now that I hadn't felt myself in the past seven months.

"Bella!" he shouted to her as he ran forward. I mentally groaned. His anger was clouding his judgment. Even if he hated me, he would wake Bella, and she needed to rest.

"Charlie," she mumbled from my arms.

"Shh," I soothed. "It's okay; you're home and safe. Just sleep."

"I can't believe you have the nerve to show your face here," Charlie yelled. He was having difficulty deciding where to focus. Should he kill me, or see to Bella? His parental instincts won out as he heard Bella protest. Her voice was vague from sleep.

"What's wrong with her?" he growled at me. It was clear that he thought I must have drugged her.

"She's just very tired, Charlie," I whispered. "Please let her rest." Now was not the time for a much deserved rant from Charlie. He could at least wait until Bella was in her bed.

Charlie seemed to be having none of it. "Don't tell me what to do! Give her to me. Get your hands off her!"

I reluctantly tried to shift Bella into Charlie's arms, but she clung to me as though we were back in Italy and I was giving her up to Jane. Charlie glared at me as he tried to pry her off, as though I had something to do with it. Selfish as it was, I was glad she wouldn't let go. It was good to have some indication that she wanted me here.

"Cut it out, Dad," Bella snapped. "Be mad at _me_."

"You bet I will be," Charlie said, but at this point he was too mad at me for there to be any room for anger toward Bella. The fury rolled off of him in crashing waves. "Get inside."

"'Kay. Let me down," Bella said. In any other circumstance I would have ignored her, but for the sake of Charlie's health- I was certain he would have a heart attack if I ignored her wishes- I placed her feet tentatively on the ground. I kept my arms hovering around her and, of course, the moment she took a step she was heading straight for the driveway. She never stood a chance. I caught her lightly in my arms and turned to Charlie again.

"Just let me get her upstairs," I said. "Then I'll leave."

"No!" Bella began to lose it completely. She clutched at my neck as her heart sped.

I whispered reassuringly in her ear. "I won't be far." Never again.

"Get her inside," Charlie growled menacingly. "And then I want to talk to you." I was sure he didn't mean "talk".

I drifted past him and carried Bella up to her room. She was already asleep again. I pulled the covers up to her shoulders, left her with a kiss on the forehead, and headed out to face Charlie's anger. I braced myself. I couldn't hear his thoughts completely, but I knew his mind well enough to fill in most of the blanks. I could hear enough, and see a fair amount of images. If anyone knew what Bella had been through, it would be Charlie. And he was most certainly going to make sure I knew as well.

He was waiting for me in the living room, absolutely livid.

"How _dare_ you show up here," he said. "How…what makes you…do you have any _idea_…" His voice broke off, unable to find the proper words for how much he hated me. I probably could have lent him a supply of my own.

"I'm sorry, Charlie," I said lamely. I didn't know what else I could say. No words could make up for this.

"Sorry? You think _sorry_ will make this go away?"

"No," I whispered, more to myself than anything.

"Do you know what you did to her? You left her in _pieces_! She was devastated! First she goes missing, wandering around the forest looking for you. And then we find her, and it's worse than I could have ever imagined. I've never seen Bella that way, never. You just ask your sister. Months and months, and she _still_ hasn't fully recovered from what you've done, and you just expect to walk back in here…" He stopped abruptly, too angry to continue.

I was frozen, stuck to a spot on the floor. Charlie's memories were only partially available to me, but even so they hit me with a force that nearly knocked me off my feet. Through the filter of his anguish, I could catch glimpses of Bella and faintly hear her repeating 'he's gone' over and over. I couldn't see all the details, but there was enough there to know that this was a Bella I had never seen. It was easy to see how Charlie couldn't find words to describe it. She truly did look broken.

And then there was a large portion of memories where she was just…nothing. It wasn't the Bella I loved. There were so many little things that she wasn't doing; it felt like I was watching some sort of horribly acted movie. This person was supposed to be Bella, but I didn't believe it. She looked as empty as I had felt. This was some actress trying so desperately to be Bella, but barely even succeeding at looking human.

I had done _that_?

Her hesitance toward me suddenly made perfect sense. Of course she would shy away from the type of pain I had caused. For some reason she didn't hate me as she should, but there was no way she could still love me.

"Do you have any idea what this will do to her?" Charlie finally managed to whisper when he had regained some composure.

"I didn't know…," I whispered.

"Then you're an idiot."

There was a long silence.

"Get out," he said finally. His voice was dangerously low. "And you are never to come back through that door again."

I nodded and turned to walked out, uncertain if I even deserved the opportunity to escape. If he'd had any chance at doing damage to me, I probably would have let Charlie take a swing.

It was clear to me that I didn't deserve Bella, but I couldn't bring myself to leave completely. I was too selfish for that, and I understood that now. I had deluded myself into thinking that I could force her to do what was best. I _had_ been an idiot- like Charlie had said- to think that I could force Bella to do anything.

Charlie wanted me gone, and rightfully so, but how could I leave again when it had been such a disastrous mistake in the first place?

I walked through the front door, out into the overcast morning, not quite certain of what I should do. But I knew what I _would_ do. And more importantly, what I wouldn't.

I would never leave her again.


	4. The Truth

23. THE TRUTH

Charlie watched me from the doorway as I walked back to Carlisle's car, his eyes never leaving me. Was it merely his intense hatred and distrust, or was Charlie more observant than he had been before? His paternal instincts were really kicking into gear with my return. From the look on his face, I was certain that he knew exactly what I planned to do if he let me walk free. In his head he clung to his intense determination to keep me away.

I slipped into the back seat behind Rosalie, nodded slightly, and Emmett took off without a word. We were around the corner in a second. The moment we were out of sight I reached for the door handle.

"Let me out," I said. Emmett looked at me with a confused expression. Rosalie remained silent.

"Why?" he asked. "You can't go back in there. Charlie will try and kill you." He laughed at his mental picture of that. "Besides, she's just going to be sleeping anyways. Nothing interesting there."

"I'm not leaving her." It wasn't as though I really needed him to slow down anyways. I could leap out with the same ease at fifty miles per hour as at two.

_Whatever,_ he thought as he pulled the car over. _It's your call._ "Just don't get caught, ok? We don't want any trouble with the local police."

I rolled my eyes and slid out of the car.

_We'll be waiting for you back at the house_, Rosalie told me.

I nodded dismissively and dashed back to hide in the trees that bordered Bella's house. I could still hear Charlie fuming inside, pacing back and forth, and trying to decide what to do. His thoughts were jumbled and worried, but I was glad to see that his relief at having Bella back was quickly calming him. It only took a couple of minutes for him to decide that he was under enough control to check in on her without waking her and demanding answers.

He moved up the stairs, into her room silently, and knelt by her bed. I could see his pained expression clearly through her window as he worried over her sleeping form. I strained my extra sense to try and distinguish his thoughts, but I was only able to catch a note of concern. I had a feeling that this had been a fairly common thought for him since I had left and I felt slightly guilty for how I had hurt him as well.

Charlie was a good father to Bella. Perhaps a little unobservant at times, but he loved her. Even long before this latest, most disastrous, mistake of mine I saw that he would do anything to protect her. It was with regret that I realized when I had hurt Bella, I had hurt Charlie too.

Once again, Charlie's mind began filtering through memories of Bella, perhaps worrying about some sort of relapse. He was obviously terrified that my presence, and ultimately the potential for another departure, would make matters worse.

I jumped, startled, when I heard screams. I just barely managed to catch myself from giving over to instinct and leaping into the room. It was with some confusion- and horror- that I realized that the screams were Bella's. It took another brief moment for me to realize that she was still sleeping soundly, not making a sound. She wasn't even talking. I didn't know if I was relieved or horrified to note that the sounds were in Charlie's mind. There were so many memories of screams, every night it seemed, and I heard all of them flash by through the filter of his desperate worry. I couldn't distinguish much else, but it wasn't difficult to guess what it all meant.

Nightmares. Kneeling next to her bed, Charlie was worrying about nightmares. He stroked her hair, apprehensive that the moment he turned away she would wake up screaming again. I began to worry the same. Even sleeping, Bella didn't quite look peaceful, just calm. There was some sort of anxiety to her face and the way her body was curled up. Charlie knew this broken Bella better than I did and his worry made me worry. Would she sleep through the night?

He stayed there, in her room, for at least an hour, contemplating. He spent some time looking around the room, trying to find some sort of outlet for his nervous energy. I noted with curiosity that there was an unusual lack of cleaning necessary. It seemed strange. Bella had always been a little lazy with her room.

After picking up a couple of shirts that had been tossed from a drawer, he moved to the rocking chair that I used to occupy so often, and watched his child as she slept. I noted briefly at how familiar his actions felt and I was filled with an intense gratitude. Even if nature had not equipped him to fight Bella's pull for any and all things dangerous, he was determined to try. As helpless as he might feel sometimes, as he did now, he did his best to keep her safe and whole. It was a task that I had stupidly relinquished. He sat in her rocking chair as her protector and took up my job of watching over Bella as she slept. I wondered at how often he had done this recently, with a suspicion that it was not the first time.

He eventually came to the conclusion that she would not wake, screaming, any time soon, and with a last worried look he made his way back downstairs. He turned on the television to distract himself and began to try his best to watch. His mind kept flicking upstairs, but he remained where he was, staring at the television absently. When I was certain that he had settled in I leapt lightly from my tree to Bella's window and climbed through. The creaky window made a little noise from disuse as I opened it.

The room was both the same and different than I remembered it. From inside I had a better view of its uncharacteristic qualities. Everything was in its place, but almost eerily so. It felt too clean, like it hadn't been lived it. I was sad to note that what was left of her CD collection appeared to not have been touched in a while. Bella's books, usually strewn in different states of disarray, were all lined up neatly on her bookshelf. Had she stopped reading? Her floor was clear and everything looked as though it hadn't been touched for months.

I tried to reconcile these observations in my mind. Maybe this new Bella had suddenly developed a devotion to tidiness. Maybe she'd gone to visit her mom recently in Phoenix and Charlie had cleaned. This didn't mean anything. I was overreacting again. The simplest solution is always the best. Occam's razor. Never mind that her shelves were covered in dust or that her CD player had been moved out of reach to make room for school books. There had to be another explanation.

As an excuse it was pathetic and I couldn't make myself believe it.

I moved silently to her side and took a moment to simply look at her. She looked almost the same as she had when I had placed her here and pulled the blankets around her shoulders. She had twisted them a bit in her sleep and I pulled them up around her again. She still looked uneasy, but I could see that she was much recovered from what she had been before. And she certainly looked better than she had in Alice or Charlie's memories. I brushed her hair from her face lightly.

At my touch, she unconsciously scooted toward me in her sleep.

"Edward," she mumbled.

It was a strange feeling. After so many nights of listening to her say my name, and then so many nights not, I felt like my heart might just start beating again. I let my hand cup the air around her face, not wanting to wake her with an actual icy touch. It came within a fraction of her skin.

"Bella," I whispered back to her.

She tossed and turned quite a bit throughout the afternoon; more than normal. Occasionally Charlie would come by to check on her and I would hide myself until he was gone. Emmett would have laughed endlessly to know that I had stooped to hiding in a closet. But, then again, he was probably already laughing at me for sitting and watching Bella while she slept. It wouldn't be the first time.

When I wasn't hiding I was settled in the rocking chair as usual, and I watched her anxiously as she mumbled and talked. Mostly she mentioned Italy and I could picture the recreations her mind was making. My conscience ached guiltily with the knowledge that she was reliving the horrors I had hoped to spare her from.

At one point, just after Charlie had said a final "goodnight", she began thrashing at the sheets. It was so violent that I was afraid that she might start the screaming from Charlie's memories and I sat up, suddenly alert. But she only curled up and whimpered.

"Stop!" she cried into her pillow. "Please, don't!"

It was then that I moved from the rocking chair to lie next to her on the bed. If she were to wake up screaming, I would be there to comfort her. It felt like so long since I had seen her smile.

As it was, I was overjoyed to be so close to her. She would periodically say my name and, as though she knew that I was there, she would inch closer to me. By the time Charlie was asleep I had my arms wrapped around her. After that her dreams seemed to settle down.

It was somewhere in the middle of the night that I felt her begin to stir awake. She adjusted a couple times and let out a deep, somber sigh. I brushed my hand across her forehead in an attempt to wake her gently.

She tensed and a frown crossed her face. For some reason she seemed reluctant to wake up. I wished her consciousness would move faster. I was eager to be with her when she wasn't in life-threatening danger or passed out from exhaustion, but it seemed that any attempt I made to speed things along might not be met with success.

So I waited anxiously as she slowly opened her eyes. She immediately snapped them back shut with a startled "oh". Her brow furrowed for a moment and then her surprise passed. She reopened her eyes with a set determination.

"Did I frighten you?" I asked, worried. I couldn't imagine it being a good feeling, waking up with a vampire inches from your face. Oops.

She only smiled at me. She looked so content, and for a moment, I didn't worry at all. For a moment, it felt like things might go back to the way they were.

And then her brows furrowed again and she looked confused, then shocked.

"Oh, _crap_," she said. I grew worried again. She was safe at home. What did she have to be upset about? I thought she had only been startled by my presence, but this was clearly something deeper. Was she worried about me being here? Did she want me gone?

"What's wrong, Bella?" I asked.

An excess of emotions flickered across her face.

"I'm dead, right?" she moaned, not really asking me. "I _did_ drown. Crap, crap, crap! This is gonna kill Charlie."

She thought she was _dead_? That didn't make sense at all. In what way did her afterlife involve a thirsty vampire and Forks, Washington? If she were dead they would be showering her in feathers. Maybe bubbles too. But definitely not a meeting in the middle of the night with the vampire who broke her heart.

"You're not dead," I said.

"Then why am I not waking up?"

"You _are_ awake, Bella."

She shook her head disbelieving. She was being especially stubborn tonight.

"Sure, sure," she said dismissively. "That's what you want me to think. And then it will be worse when I do wake up. _If_ I wake up, which I won't, because I'm dead. This is awful. Poor Charlie. And Renée and Jake…" Her face was horrified. Was this the nightmare that Charlie had been waiting for? Would she start screaming when she realized she was awake?

"I can see where you might confuse me with a nightmare," I said, with a humorless smile. "But I can't imagine what you could have done to wind up in hell. Did you commit many murders while I was away?" I tried to hide my pain with joking. It was best to keep the mood light.

"Obviously not. If I was in hell, you wouldn't be with me."

I sighed, frustrated with her. Were we really going to have this argument again? I'd forgotten how stubborn Bella was about this issue in particular. My soul. Apparently she was still determined to think that I had one, though why she did baffled me. If I _had_ had a soul in the first place, it most certainly would have been condemned when I'd left her.

Bella began to look around her quickly, like a frightened animal taking in its surroundings and realizing that the lion in the bushes was merely a rabbit. Her face softened for a moment and her eyes locked back on mine.

"Did all of that really happen, then?"

She had been dreaming for a while, and it was difficult to answer her without knowing what "that" was. Judging by the way she had thrashed in her sleep, I had to be careful with my answer. I didn't want to end up confirming the wrong thing. It was all nightmarish, but I didn't want to burden her with more than was necessary.

"That depends," I answered cautiously. "If you're referring to us nearly being massacred in Italy, then, yes."

"How strange," she said. Her expression was lighter now. Almost dream-like. "I really went to Italy. Did you know I'd never been farther east than Albuquerque?"

I rolled my eyes at the typical Bella response. She was not thinking straight at all. I had just confirmed her suspicions that she'd nearly been killed by a coven of vicious vampires and she'd rather talk about her travel experience. She was no doubt about to lament not being able to see more museums. "Maybe you should go back to sleep. You're not coherent."

"I'm not tired anymore." I was tempted to believe her. She looked awake enough. "What time is it? How long have I been sleeping?"

"It's just after one in the morning. So, about fourteen hours."

She stretched out in front of me, and I couldn't help but notice her lines. It was just one more part of what I had missed. The pale slope of her neck looked so delicate next to her dark blue tee shirt. I fought the urge to brush my hand along it.

"Charlie?" she asked, breaking into my rather poorly timed thoughts.

I frowned at the reminder of her father who would probably bring out his gun if he knew where I was. I didn't care to imagine what would have happened if _he_ had been able to hear _my_ thoughts at the moment.

"Sleeping," I explained. "You should probably know that I'm breaking the rules right now. Well, not technically, since he said I was never to walk through his door again, and I came in the window….But, still, the intent was clear."

"Charlie banned you from the house?" she demanded in a shocked fury. She looked like she was about ready to march into his room and give him a piece of her mind. I was surprised that she had missed the obvious. Of course he banned me. I didn't deserve to be anywhere near her. It was purely my own selfishness, under the disguise of concern for her well being, which brought me here.

"Did you expect anything else?"

Bella looked like she very much did expect something else. She didn't like to be controlled, and she wasn't used to Charlie telling her what to do. Even if, in this case, he might be right. She took a deep breath and shook her head. She made an effort to relax and turned to me.

I'd forgotten how endearing I found her when she was angry.

"What's the story?" she asked when the anger had passed.

"What do you mean?" What she asking for an excuse for my behavior? I certainly owed her some sort of explanation.

"What am I telling Charlie? What's my excuse for disappearing for…how long was I gone, anyway?" She contemplated for a moment.

I smiled in relief at the direction of her thoughts. Very casual. That was good.

"Just three days. Actually, I was hoping you might have a good explanation. I've got nothing." I was glad that I could manage casual too, with the myriad of thoughts in my head trying to figure out if she wanted me to leave or explain or kiss her. My vote was for the later, but I doubted it mattered. Now was not the time.

"Fabulous," Bella said, sarcastically.

"Well, maybe Alice will come up with something."

She nodded and gave a small smile. I felt warmth spread through me at the sight. We sat without speaking for a few moments. Bella broke the silence first, her human instincts feeling uncomfortable without conversation. I was content to simply stare at her. And I was also, admittedly, a little reluctant to broach any of the deeper subjects that I could sense coming.

"So," she said, still attempting for casual. "What have you been doing, up until three days ago?" The words themselves were simple. It sounded like something she might ask one of her school friends after a long vacation. It was the answer that was complex. Of course she had to pick the most loaded question first.

"Nothing terribly exciting," I responded, avoiding a real response. I was reluctant to admit my doings to her. My actions while I was away were just another example of how I had failed her. Not only had I left her alone, without protection, but I had let the greatest danger to her slip out of my grasp. With Victoria gone, I had been left alone with my misery; a total failure.

"Of course not," Bella grumbled. She looked disappointed. Her lips pouted slightly.

"Why are you making that face?"

"Well…" she considered her words. "If you were, after all, just a dream, that's exactly the kind of thing you would say. My imagination must be used up."

I sighed. It didn't look like there was any getting around this. I briefly wondered if her disbelief was all an act to pull answers from me. Apparently it was working.

"If I tell you," I bargained "will you finally believe that you're not having a nightmare?"

"Nightmare!" she scoffed. She sounded disbelieving. I agreed with her. Nightmare didn't seem to cover it. The word seemed too…petty. Nowhere near enough to cover what I must be to her.

Bella was quiet as she thought for a moment.

"Maybe," she said skeptically. "If you tell me."

She wasn't going to be pinned down to a response, and I supposed I should give her that. Not matter how unwilling I was to give it, she deserved the truth. I thought of the best way to phrase it.

"I was…hunting," I managed.

My answer obviously did not please her.

"Is that the best you can do?" she huffed. "The definitely doesn't prove I'm awake."

Truth, Edward. Tell her the truth.

"I wasn't hunting for food…I was actually trying my hand at…tracking. I'm not very good at it," I finished lamely. She had searched for so long for something that I wasn't good at, and there were plenty that I kept hidden well enough. Of course it would end up being something this critical that I finally had to admit to her. Sorry Bella. I'm no good at protecting you. I can play the piano and cook you food. Apparently I can even kiss well. But I can't really keep you alive. Hope you don't mind.

She didn't look as disappointed as I expected. Only intrigued. "What were you tracking?"

"Nothing of consequence." I gave into fear at the last minute and brushed off her question.

"I don't understand."

Truth. Victoria. That's all I needed to say. It was a simple answer. I was tracking Victoria. But I had so much more to atone for, and that wasn't simple. Bella shouldn't have to drag these answers out of me. If I stayed silent long enough, she might even give up, and that was incredibly unfair to her. "I-" I choked on the words.

Tell her. Let it out. I took a deep breath and tried again, forcing the words out all at once.

"I owe you and apology. No, of course I owe you much, much more than that. But you have to know that I had no idea. I didn't realize the mess I was leaving behind. I thought it was safe for you here. So safe. I had no idea that Victoria"–I fought the snarl her name brought to my lips–"would come back. I'll admit, when I saw her that one time, I was paying much more attention to James's thoughts. But I just didn't see that she had this kind of response in her. That she even had such a tie to him. I think I realize why now- she was so sure of him, the thought of him failing never occurred to her. It was her overconfidence that clouded her feelings about him- that kept me from seeing the depth of them, the bond there.

"Not that there's any excuse for what I left you to face. When I heard what you told Alice- when I realized that you had to put your life in the hands of _werewolves_, immature, volatile, the worst thing out there besides Victoria herself-" I paused, fighting the waves of pain as I thought of the danger that had surrounded Bella on every side. I could only hope this explanation was enough to make her not hate me. Would my dumb, blind, ignorance earn her forgiveness? I would even take her pity if that was all that she had to give. I continued as the pain built. "Please know that I had no idea of any of this. I feel sick, sick to my core, even now, when I can see and feel you safe in my arms. I am the most miserable excuse for-"

"Stop," Bella interrupted. The pain had built to such a force that I didn't think I could speak again, now that I had stopped. All I could do was wait in agonized silence until Bella told me that she'd heard enough. I could sense how pivotal this moment was. Any second she would tell me what I had been both expecting and dreading since Italy. Any moment she was going to tell me 'no'. I didn't even allow myself to hope for another outcome. I simply waited.

I could see a glimmer of pain in her eyes as she struggled to find to right way to put it. I knew she didn't want to, and it was horrible of me to force her to, but I didn't have another choice. Unless I heard her say it, I couldn't bring myself to leave again. At this point the only thing that could ever make me leave was if it was her decision.

Her face was smooth and passive, completely detached. The only emotion I could find was in her eyes and the guilt that seeped through them.

"Edward," she began. "This has to stop now."–my heart wrenched to hear the words–"You can't think about things that way. You can't let this…this _guilt_…rule your life. You can't take responsibility for the things that happen to me here. None of it is your fault, it's just part of how life _is_ for me. So, if I trip in front of a bus or whatever it is next time, you have to realize that it's not your job to take the blame. You can't just go running off to Italy because you feel bad that you didn't save me. Even if I had jumped off that cliff to die, that would have been my choice, and _not your fault_. I know it's your…your nature to shoulder the blame for everything, but you really can't let that make you go to such extremes! It's very irresponsible–think of Esme and Carlisle and–" She broke off, struggling not to cry.

I was left in absolute shock.

_That_ was what she thought? As she spoke, my stomach began to churn and my face became a strange mix of emotions: surprise, horror, sadness, anger. All my fears of rejection were gone for a moment as I took in Bella's words. As though guilt had anything to do with my request of the Volturi. What did she think of me? She went through everything in Italy with a misconception that huge? I knew I shouldn't be angry about it, but she had just taken all of my feelings for her and cast them aside, as if they didn't exist. She said it as though my past seven months of complete, agonizing torture were nothing, as if my joy at being with her now didn't exist.

"Isabella Marie Swan," I said quietly. I made my voice as intense as I could, making sure she heard every word. "Do you believe that I asked the Volturi to kill me _because I felt guilty_?"

She stared at me with a blank face. "Didn't you?"

"Feel guilty? Intensely so. More than you can comprehend."

"Then…what are you saying? I don't understand." Obviously not.

I locked my eyes with hers as though I could stare the truth into her through them. This was one truth that I was not afraid to tell her. The only reason I hadn't mentioned it before was because I had thought that it was a given. A universal truth that could not be denied. Yet somehow she was denying it, and that needed to be corrected, immediately.

"Bella," I said. "I went to the Volturi because I thought you were dead. Even if I'd hand no hand in your death"–I cringed away from the word–"even if it _wasn't_ my fault, I would have gone to Italy. Obviously, I should have been more careful–I should have spoken to Alice directly, rather than accepting it secondhand from Rosalie. But, really, what was I supposed to think when the boy said Charlie was at the funeral? What are the odds?"

It seemed like everything had gone wrong. Every possible dilemma and near-miss. It was so unlikely that it was practically Shakespearean. Like Romeo and Juliet. Every conceivable misunderstanding. I was tempted to believe that someone out there was orchestrating it all, and we were merely pawns in the tragedy. And it had been that way since the beginning.

What were the odds that the one girl with blood I couldn't resist would be the one girl I could never bring myself to kill? What were the odds that the one time I finally did something unselfish it would turn out to be the biggest mistake of my life? What were the odds that a vampire coven leaving Bella would put her in even more danger than before?

"The odds…" I muttered again. "The odds are always stacked against us. Mistake after mistake. I'll never criticize Romeo again."

"But I still don't understand," she said. "That's my whole point. So what?"

I stared in disbelief. "Excuse me?"

"So what if I _was_ dead?"

If she was dead then so was I. I had told her that. I know I had. She was every part of me. When we were separated I was merely broken, but with her -I struggled to face the word- dead, I was nothing. I was destroyed. The broken pieces didn't even exist.

"Don't you remember anything I told you before?" I asked.

"I remember _everything_ that you told me," she replied. I noted the bitterness to her words. I brushed my hand along her lip. Did she really need to hear it again? I had told her so many times before. She was everything.

My mind flashed to a memory of us in the forest near her house. She was crying, and I was doing everything in my power to tear myself away from her. I was braced for an onslaught of tears and pleading, but instead she had let me go without a fight. The old wound burned.

She had let me go without a fight.

"Bella, you seem to be under a misapprehension." I shook my head, remembering the rush of pain as she let me walk away. Apparently she needed it spelled out for her. "I thought I'd explained it clearly before. Bella, I can't live in a world where you don't exist."

"I am…confused," she said.

"I am a good liar, Bella, I have to be."

She gasped, and a look of shock shot across her face. I quickly realized how she had misconstrued my words. She was completely wrong, once again. I shook her shoulder in frustration, trying to ease her rigid posture. She had turned to stone and didn't seem ready to let me explain.

"Let me finish!" I said. "I'm a good liar, but still, for you to believe me so quickly. That was…excruciating." I couldn't hide the pain on my face at the memory. "When we were in the forest, when I was telling you goodbye- You weren't going to let go. I could see that. I didn't want to do it–it felt like it would kill me to do it–but I knew that if I couldn't convince you that I didn't love you anymore, it would just take you that much longer to get on with your life. I hoped that, if you thought _I'd_ moved on, so would you."

"A clean break," she whispered, repeating my words from that day.

"Exactly. But I never imagined it would be so easy to do! I thought it would be next to impossible–that you would be so sure of the truth that I would have to lie through my teeth for hours to even plant the seed of doubt in your head. I lied, and I'm so sorry– sorry because I hurt you, sorry because it was a worthless effort. Sorry that I couldn't protect you from what I am. I lied to save you, and it didn't work. I'm sorry."

I had made my apologies, but now my pain and frustration were beginning to win over. I could see them coming, but I couldn't stop. Bella stared at me in shocked silence.

"But how could you believe me? After all the thousand times I've told you I love you, how could you let one word break your faith in me? I could see it in your eyes, that you honestly _believed_ that I didn't want you anymore. The most absurd, ridiculous concept–as if there were any way that _I_ could exist without needing _you_!"

It seemed so obvious when I said it out loud. After everything, could she finally see what she should have seen from the beginning? I shook her shoulder again.

"Bella. Really, what were you thinking?"

Overwhelmed, she began to cry.

"I knew it," she managed. "I _knew_ I was dreaming."

"You're impossible," I laughed quietly, sadly. This was so Bella. "How can I put this so that you'll believe me? You're not asleep, and you're not dead. I'm here and I love you. I _have_ always loved you, and I _will_ always love you. I was thinking of you, seeing your face in my mind, every second that I was away. When I told you that I didn't want you, it was the very blackest kind of blasphemy."

She shook her head as I told her all of this. Her face was covered in tears. I ached, longing to make it right. I wanted her trust, even though I didn't deserve it. It felt as though things might never go back to the way they had been.

"You don't believe me, do you?" I asked, my voice unable to rise above a whisper. "Why can you believe the lie, but not the truth?"

"It never made sense for you to love me," she choked. "I always knew that."

Small things began to click into place. This wasn't just about me. It was about her. I had always known that Bella was insecure, but this was to a ridiculous extent. Her vision was so skewed that she couldn't see the blatant truth in front of her. When she looked in the mirror, she missed her own perfection. I wished I could show her everything clearly. Her selflessness, her passion, her honesty. It made perfect sense for me to love her. How could I not love someone so pure? Someone so much better than I had any right to even pretend to be?

A deep urge that I had suppressed fought its way to the surface. I wanted Bella. I wanted her against me, clinging with her own particular fervency. I wanted to kiss her and have her kiss me back. I wanted to feel her lips pressing against mine, and her hands running through my hair. I wanted her to fight against my control in the way that I used to scold her for. I wanted it all, more than anything.

"I'll prove you're awake," I said. I grabbed her face between my hands and pulled her close, fighting against her surprised struggles. I would fight away all of her pain. I would show her what she meant to me.

"Please, don't," she whispered. Her voice was sad.

I froze, our lips almost touching. I remembered my earlier hesitance and once again waited for her rejection. All my talk of needing her and loving her was nothing if she didn't want me.

"Why not?" I asked, terrified. Like always, I was frustrated with her silent mind.

"When I wake up–okay, forget that one"–she didn't look as though she had as she amended her words to silence my attempts at protest–"When you leave again, it's going to be hard enough without this, too."

I pulled back slightly, needing an explanation. When I left again? So she wanted me to leave, then? Finally hearing the words seemed surreal and I had to have it clarified. And I needed to know why.

"Yesterday," I said, remembering "when I would touch you, you were so…hesitant, so careful, and yet still the same. I need to know why. Is it because I'm too late? Because I've hurt you too much? Because you _have_ moved on, as I meant for you to? That would be…"–excruciating, horrendous, disastrous–"quite fair. I won't contest your decision. So don't try to spare my feelings, please–just tell me now whether or not you can still love me, after everything I've done to you. Can you?" The last bit sounded a little like begging, but if that's what it took then I would throw myself prostrate at her feet.

"What kind of idiotic question is that?"

"Just answer it. Please."

She had to know how her silence was killing me.

"The way I feel about you will never change," she began slowly and forcefully, much like how I had spoken earlier. "Of course I love you–and there's nothing you can do about it!"

All of my fears came crashing down around me. This had been the last hurtle, and now it was over. I was left standing as the sole winner with a prize that I had never dared to hope for. I was light, and I felt a relief almost as strong as when I'd realized she was alive.

"That's all I needed to hear."

Bella stared me down, her eyes full of determination. I couldn't wait a moment longer. I forced her lips to mine, letting go of a certain amount of restraint. If she hadn't been as fragile as glass I would have crushed her to me. But as it was, we were locked together. I was elated to notice that her kiss was as enthusiastic as mine. She did want me, in every way that I wanted her, and that knowledge filled the last bit of the hole that had torn at me while I was away. I was finally complete.

"Bella," I whispered between kisses, giving her time to gasp in some air before our lips met again. Her heart was beating wildly and her skin against mine felt warmer that anything I had felt in months. Her soft curves molded against my solid skin and gave way to the pressure of my body. I ran my hands along her face, taking in every part and pulling her closer. Her heart was pounding deafeningly and I slowly broke the kiss to lay my head down against her chest. I listened contently to the beating rhythm that determined the pace of my life, recovering from my intense emotions.

"By the way," I said, as something of an afterthought. "I'm not leaving you."

She didn't answer. Did she still not believe me after _that_?

"I'm not going anywhere," I promised. "Not without you. I only left you in the first place because I wanted you to have a chance at a normal, happy, human life. I could see what I was doing to you–keeping you constantly on the edge of danger, taking you away from the world you belonged in, risking your life every moment I was with you. So I had to try. I had to do _something_, and it seemed like leaving was the only way. If I hadn't thought you would be better off, I could have never made myself leave. I'm much too selfish. Only _you_ could be more important than what I wanted…what I needed. What I want and need is to be with you, and I know I'll never be strong enough to leave again. I have too many excuses to stay–thank heaven for that! It seems you _can't_ be safe, no matter how many miles I put between us."

"Don't promise me anything," she whispered and I fought back my anger. Now she was just being stubborn. How many different ways did I have to say it? What did I have to do to make her _believe_?

"You think I'm lying to you now?"

"No–not lying." She shook her head, looking contemplative. "You could mean it…now. But what about tomorrow, when you think about all the reasons you left in the first place? Or next month, when Jasper takes a snap at me?"

I winced at her matter-of-fact tone. She said it as though it were simply a matter of time. Did she think I would change my mind that quickly? It had been difficult enough the first time. Now, knowing what I knew, I wasn't certain I couldn't do it. Even if I wanted to.

"It isn't as if you hadn't thought the first decision through, is it?" she continued. "You'll end up doing what you think is right."

I mentally scoffed at that. What had I ever done what was right? Leaving her was the first time I had done something even slightly unselfish, and I certainly wouldn't describe it as _right_.

"I'm not as strong as you give me credit for," I said. "Right and wrong have ceased to mean much to me; I was coming back anyway. Before Rosalie told me the news, I was already past trying to live through one week at a time, or even one day. I was fighting to make it through a single hour. It was only a matter of time–and not much of it–before I showed up at your window and begged you to take me back. I'd be happy to beg now, if you'd like that."

She twisted her face into a scowl. "Be serious, please."

"Oh, I am," I said. I was perfectly serious. I almost began begging right then. She didn't seem to be listening any other way. "Will you please try to hear what I'm telling you? Will you let me attempt to explain what you mean to me?"

I paused, waiting for her protest. When she remained silent, I continued on.

"Before you, Bella, my life was like a moonless night. Very dark, but there were stars–points of light and reason….And then you shot across my sky like a meteor. Suddenly everything was on fire; there was brilliancy, there was beauty. When you were gone, when the meteor had fallen over the horizon, everything went black. Nothing had changed, but my eyes were blinded by the light. I couldn't see the stars anymore. And there was no more reason for anything."

She looked cautious. "Your eyes will adjust."

"That's just the problem–they can't."

"What about your distractions?"

I laughed harshly at the absurdity of that. "Just part of the lie, love. There was no distraction from the…the _agony_. My heart hasn't beat in almost ninety years, but this was different. It was like my heart was gone–like I was hollow. Like I'd left everything that was inside me here with you."

"That's funny," she muttered.

I raised my eyebrow. "Funny?" I knew I had laughed, but I still failed to see the humor.

"I meant strange–I thought it was just me. Lots of pieces of me went missing, too. I haven't been able to really breathe in so long." She took in a deep breath to illustrate her point. "And my heart. That was definitely lost."

In answer to her words I leaned my head back against her heart again. Its beat was strong, even quick. She sounded healthy to me. I closed my eyes letting the rhythm lull me.

"Tracking wasn't a distraction, then?" she asked as I lay there. I could hear her voice reverberating through her ribcage.

"No. That was never a distraction. It was an obligation."

"What does that mean?"

"It means that, even thought I never expected any danger from Victoria, I wasn't going to let her get away with…" I trailed off, not wanting to think of that. "Well, like I said, I was horrible at it. I traced her as far as Texas, but then I followed a false lead down to Brazil–and really she came here." I wasn't able to suppress a groan at my guilt. Bella had been in so much danger, and all because of my own blindness. "I wasn't even on the right continent! And all the while, worse than my worst fears-"

"You were hunting _Victoria_?" Bella exclaimed loudly. Her voice was unnaturally high. She caught herself, and paused for a moment until she was sure Charlie was still asleep.

I stared at her furious expression, confused. Of course I had been hunting Victoria. Who else? I didn't understand how that made her angry. I had been trying to protect her all along. Was she reacting out of some strange need for self-sufficiency? Did she feel like it was unnecessary? Most likely, she was upset at my failure.

"Not well," I admitted, watching her. "But I'll do better this time. She won't be tainting perfectly good air by breathing in and out for much longer."

When she spoke she sounded like she was being strangled by her words. "That is…out of the question."

I ignored her. There wasn't a choice. Victoria _would_ die for what she had done.

"It's too late for her," I snarled. "I might have let the other time slide, but not now, not after-"

"Didn't you just promise that you weren't going to leave?" I could hear her struggling against the panic. "That isn't exactly compatible with an extended tracking expedition, is it?"

The guilt crept in a bit as I heard how pained her voice was. Now that I was certain she wanted me, her motivations were clearer. Her hesitance made more sense. She was terrified that I would leave her. I felt horrible for the irrational fear that I had created in her. I would never leave again, but I couldn't just let Victoria roam free, planning her revenge.

"I will keep my promise, Bella. But Victoria is going to die. Soon."

"Let's not be hasty," her voice rose. "Maybe she's not coming back. Jake's pack probably scared her off. There's really no reason to go looking for her. Besides, I've got bigger problems than Victoria."

I nodded and the guilt grew a bit more. Guilt and anger. Couldn't the supernatural world just leave her along? "It's true. The werewolves are a problem."

Bella snorted. "I wasn't talking about _Jacob_. My problems are a lot worse than a handful of adolescent wolves getting themselves into trouble."

Is that how she saw it? Did she understand that with werewolves "trouble" was accidentally tearing your face off because they had a bad day and couldn't control their temper? And I was suspicious of this Jacob. I knew her friends from Forks high. This was someone else. A boy.

I began to ask her what place exactly this werewolf held in her life, but then changed my mind. Even in my head the words sounded accusing, and that was not the best road to take tonight. I involuntarily clenched my teeth together.

"Really?" I asked. "Then what would be your greatest problem? That would make Victoria's returning for you seem like such an inconsequential matter in comparison?"

"How about the second greatest?" she suggested. It was obvious she was avoiding something.

"All right," I said. I would find out what she wasn't saying eventually, and it was better if she told me in her own time.

She hesitated, looking a little scared, as though the words themselves were dangerous. "There are others who are coming to look for me."

Yes, the Volturi. I sighed. They would be a problem, but it wasn't as bad as I predicted. We could handle that when the time came. But I could see why she feared them, and honestly, I was surprised that she didn't look more frightened.

"The Volturi are only the _second_ greatest?" I wondered.

"You don't seem that upset about it."

"Well, we have plenty of time to think it through. Time means something very different to them than it does to you, or even me. They count years the way you count days. I wouldn't be surprised if you were thirty before you crossed their minds again." I attempted to sound nonchalant. No need to add more worry than necessary. And I really was certain that given time, not to mention the exceptional skills of my family members, we could come up with a solution. It was possible, though unlikely, that the Volturi might not even think about Bella until she was far too old for them to have an interest in her anymore.

And even if they did, I had seen their minds. I knew how they operated. With Alice in on the plan, it was quite possible that we could keep Bella out of the Volturi's way for the entire span of her life.

Bella's face was twisted into a new expression of horror. Apparently, I hadn't been nonchalant enough.

"You don't have to be afraid," I assured her. She was beginning to tear up again. "I won't let them hurt you."

"While you're here." So she still didn't believe me. She was rightly wary of my words. It was going to be difficult to assure her of her safety when she didn't trust me, but I would do my best.

I grabbed her face between my hands and stared her down with all the intensity I could muster. I articulated every word as I spoke. "I will never leave you again."

"But you said _thirty_," she whispered, slightly petulant. "What? You're going to stay, but let me get all old anyway? Right."

Such a female. Afraid of getting older. Her worries would have been a little adorable if she hadn't been begging me to turn her into a monster. "That's exactly what I'm going to do. What choice have I? I cannot be without you, but I will not destroy your soul."

"Is this really…" she began, and then broke off. Tears ran down her face. She looked conflicted, as though she was still wasn't clear on the finer points of my love. Anything she wanted, I would clarify. I wanted her in every way. I needed her. I loved her more than anything. I would never leave. She was perfect. She was an angel. Whatever she didn't understand I would explain to her.

"Yes?" I prompted, impatient with her silence.

"But what about when I get so old that people think I'm your mother? Your _grandmother_?"

Of course I would love her then. As though her age mattered to me. Lest she forget, I was over a hundred years old. I brushed my lips along her tears. "That doesn't mean anything to me. You will always be the most beautiful thing in my world. Of course…" my mind considered the opposite and it was difficult to fight the habit of fearing her rejection "If you outgrew _me_–if you wanted something more–I would understand that, Bella. I promise I wouldn't stand in your way if you wanted to leave _me_."

She looked annoyed at my explanation. "You do realize that I'll die eventually, right?"

I responded without a hesitation. "I'll follow after as soon as I can."

"That is seriously…sick."

It was so difficult to make her understand when she had her mind set. "Bella, it's the only right way left-"

"Let's just back up for a minute. You do remember the Volturi, right? I can't stay human forever. They'll kill me. Even if they don't think of me till I'm _thirty_"–she said the word as though it were offensive–"do you really think they'll forget?" She sounded skeptical.

"No," I answered truthfully, shaking my head. "They won't forget. But…" I trailed off. I was certain that she would not approve of my plans to protect her, ridiculous as that was. She hated to be looked after in that way. Something ingrained from her childhood, I supposed.

"But?"

I couldn't help it. I grinned. It was just such a relief to have a certain amount of power back in my hands. She was safe, and the more I thought it through, the more it seemed plausible that I could keep her safe forever. Alice could see the Volturi's every move, and Bella was immune to almost all of their abilities. Not even Demetri could catch her trail.

"I have a few plans," I told her.

"And these plans," she said, her voice bitter. "These plans all center around me staying _human_." She said the word with the same venom that she had said "thirty". So now she was against humanity? It wasn't just that she wanted immortality, but now it seemed that she _didn't_ want to be human. It was almost insulting. Any one member of my family would do anything to be human again. Rosalie, Esme, Jasper, Alice, Emmett. Even Carlisle. All of us would die, again, if it meant that we could have even one day of our human lives back.

"Naturally," I responded, frustrated with her naivety. She would stay human. I would make sure of that. She could pout and complain all she wanted, but at least this I could control.

She tried to stare me down. I glared back. It is difficult to out stare a vampire.

After a minute she gave up, took a deep breath, and pushed her way out of my arms. The remains of her warmth tingled on my skin.

"Do you want me to leave?" I asked, striving to be polite and hide my pain. If she didn't want me here, I wouldn't hang around. She would always have that option, no matter how difficult it was for me.

"No," she stated matter-of-factly. "_I'm_ leaving."

She climbed out of bed and began to search for her shoes. They were by her dresser, but she was digging through the darkness of her closet, unable to see. I watched her warily.

"May I ask where you are going?"

"I'm going to your house," she said. I slipped across the room, too quickly for her to see, grabbed her shoes, and then made my way back to her side.

"Here are your shoes. How did you plan to get there?"

"My truck."

"That will probably wake Charlie," I reminded her, hoping to talk her out of it. She knew as well as I did that Charlie did not need anything else to be angry about. I didn't know what she was planning, but judging by our most recent conversation, it couldn't be good.

She sighed. "I know, but honestly, I'll be grounded for weeks as it is. How much more trouble can I really get in?"

"None. He'll blame me, not you."

"If you have a better idea, I'm all ears."

"Stay here," I tried.

"No dice. But you go ahead and make yourself at home," she replied sarcastically and made a move for the door. It was good to hear her joke again.

I flashed into the doorway before she could get there and stood with my hands on the frame, blocking her in.

Her forehead creased in an adorable frown and she swished around dramatically, heading for the window instead. Was she going to jump down? She would break her neck. But I was curious to see what she was planning, and I knew there was no way she would tell me until she had gotten what she wanted.

"Okay," I said. "I'll give you a ride."

She shrugged, overdoing the unconcerned act by just a bit. "Either way. But you probably _should_ be there, too."

"And why is that?"

"Because you're extraordinarily opinionated, and I'm sure you'll want a chance to air your views."

I could see where this was headed, and I was not pleased. I stood, rigid, my jaw clenched. "My views on which subject?"

"This isn't just about you anymore. You're not the center of the universe, you know." At any other time I would have laughed at her blatantly superior attitude, but her looming words left me in no mood. "If you're going to bring the Volturi down on us over something as stupid as leaving me human, then your family ought to have a say."

"A say in what?" I asked icily, knowing her answer.

"My mortality. I'm putting it to a vote."

That was not what I wanted to hear.

A/N: Yeesh! There was a _lot_ of dialogue in that chapter. It makes it difficult to feel like I wasn't just copying straight out of the book. I swear I got some original writing in there somewhere.


	5. Vote

24. VOTE

She wasn't going to get anywhere with her scheme, I was certain of that. My family knew me better than to mess around with something like this. Bella was coming over to _my_ territory. I held the cards. I had complete confidence that I could protect her. Her determination to become one of us was entirely pointless. The Volturi would never come near her again.

I was still reluctant, but the more I let her dwell on the issue, the more difficult she would be when she didn't get what she wanted. She was right. If she was going to go, it was a much better idea for me to tag along. My family wouldn't even have an option with me there, and this would all amount to nothing.

I scooped Bella up and leapt silently down to the ground below.

"All right then," I said bitterly. "Up you go."

She scrambled onto my back and for a brief moment I savored the proximity. Then I took off into the forest, toward my house. It was a comfort to run, though in comparison to my normal speed, I was practically moving at a crawl. I didn't want to move too quickly and jolt or scared Bella. The combination of her behind me and the air whipping by brought my stress down to an almost manageable level. It all felt so routine.

I was also curious to note that she didn't seem bothered by our speed in the way that she used to. I expected her to have her face buried into my back while she clung to me with all her strength. However, for what was probably the first time tonight, she seemed relatively relaxed. Her hands were only exerting as much force as she needed to stay in place, and her head was raised and alert. She almost seemed to be enjoying the run.

As another first for the evening, instead of noticing all of the unchanging qualities about Bella that I had missed, I noticed this little something different about her. She _had_ changed. I couldn't quite identify what it was, but this simple lack of fear on her part only seemed like a manifestation of something deeper. Bravery wasn't quite the right word, but it was something close.

The dangers I had left her to face must have made her change. I'd forced this on her, and she'd reacted in the only way she could.

I felt her lips against my neck, not in a fearful way, but in a sweet, caring gesture.

"Thank you," I said, truly grateful. I wondered if she knew what this undeserved kindness meant to me. "Does that mean you've decided you're awake?"

She laughed at that, and her words disturbed me more than her attitude. "Not really. More that, either way, I'm not trying to wake up. Not tonight."

I wasn't surprised by that. Upset, but not surprised.

"I'll earn your trust back somehow," I promised her, and myself. "If it's my final act."

"I trust _you_," she said, sounding slightly exasperated. "It's me I don't trust."

_That_ surprised me. It didn't make sense at all. She had done nothing. I was the one who had abandoned her and broken every promise I had made her. I was the monster here.

"Explain that, please," I asked as we began to near the house. I slowed down to a human pace.

"Well-" she said, sounding uncertain. "I don't trust myself to be…enough. To deserve you. There's nothing about me that could _hold_ you."

I stopped completely at that. We were just outside the house, and I set her down on the ground and looked her fully in the eyes. Her expression was a little sad, but more resigned than anything. Her lips curved into a sad, reluctant smile. As though she were daring me to deny it.

I pulled her to me tightly and spoke into her hair.

"Your hold is permanent and unbreakable," I whispered. "Never doubt that."

Her silence brought to mind a suspicion that had been sneaking up on me for a while.

"You never did tell me…" I began, contemplating. She had been so evasive earlier, and it was characteristic of her to try and shelter me from the truth.

"What?"

"What your greatest problem is."

She hesitated, and then sighed. That said enough, and I knew her answer before she spoke. "I'll give you one guess." She lightly touched the tip of my nose.

I nodded in agreement. "I'm worse than the Volturi. I guess I've earned that."

She rolled her eyes, exasperated with me. "The worst the Volturi can do is kill me."

That wasn't enough of an explanation, and I waited for her to finish. I could do something worse than kill her? Surely she was going somewhere with this.

"You can leave me," she went on. "The Volturi, Victoria…they're nothing compared to that."

The pain that had finally managed to subside to a controllable level came bursting open again. My face moved of its own accord at her admission of what I could do to her. What I _had_ done to her. She had seen what being a vampire meant. She knew about the death and the horror that awaited her in Italy. And she would still rather face that then let me leave her again. Her suffering had been that intense. It seemed that every moment I was with her revealed another facet to the pain I had caused- some new layer.

The worst part was knowing how pointless all that pain was, because in the end, I couldn't hold out. Even though I hadn't known it at the time, I had been lying to her when I'd said that I wouldn't come back. All that pain because of a stupid, misguided lie. And now that I looked it, a pretty obvious lie at that.

I felt Bella's soft hand on my cheek–heard her voice–but it only served as a reminder of what a beautiful, delicate thing I had broken. Something so completely innocent.

"Don't," she pleaded. "Don't be sad."

I did what I could, but I was positive that my half-hearted smile looked more like a grimace. I tried to sooth her with my words where my expression failed. "If only there were some way to make you see that I _can't_ leave you. Time, I suppose, will be the way to convince you." I said the last bit more for myself- a hope. As if _time_ were enough to fix what I had done. I would never be able to make up for this.

I was glad to see that Bella's face rose at my words. She seemed pleased with what I had said, and there was an eager glint in her eye.

"Okay," she said, sounding quite pleased. Her apparent good humor didn't do much to raise mine, but I did my best. She stared at my face for a moment with her brow furrowed, and then, too casually, she said, "So–since you're staying. Can I have my stuff back?"

I laughed at her feeble attempt to distract me, as if anything could make me forgot what I had done. She smiled back at me.

"Your things were never gone," I explained. "I knew it was wrong, since I promised you peace without reminders"–a promise that I had no chance of keeping–"It was stupid and childish, but I wanted to leave something of myself with you. The CD, the pictures, the tickets–they're all still under your floorboards."

"_Really?_" Her voice squeaked out at a slightly higher pitch, obviously pleased. Almost…excited.

I nodded and took comfort in her reaction. It was good to know that in this attempt, at least, I had not failed. She was glad to have that piece of me left behind, even if it had been hidden to her.

She stared back at me in silence for a moment, her face strangely contemplative.

"I think," she began, and then paused, considering. "I'm not sure, but I wonder…I think maybe I knew it the whole time."

"What did you know?" She was getting to her point much too slowly. I wished she would tell me. It felt something like I had a limb missing as I instinctually groped for her silent mind.

There was a strange look in her eyes, as though she were trying to do a complex equation without a calculator. "Some part of me, my subconscious maybe, never stopped believing that you still cared whether I lived or died. That's probably why I was hearing the voices."

I was stuck, frozen in place, and something inside me recoiled in shock. My voice was cold as I spoke. "Voices?"

She dismissed it casually, obviously realizing her slip. "Well, just one voice. Yours. It's a long story." She rushed through her words and it was clear that she was hopping I would drop the subject. There was more to this. She was hiding something from me. Something disturbing. My mind raced, jumping to all sorts of conclusions. Had I actually caused her mental damage? She said she was hearing voices. Was that what she was reluctant to say? Had I quite literally driven her crazy? What was it she didn't want me to know?

"I've got time," I prompted evenly, no trace of the crippling fear in my voice. It was too busy raging in my head.

"It's pretty pathetic," she tried lamely.

I remained silent, waiting.

Her brows knit together as she tried to find a benign way to word whatever new atrocity I inflicted. "Do you remember what Alice said about extreme sports?"

"You jumped off a cliff for fun." Oh yes, she was definitely playing this down.

"Er, right"–she sounded a bit sheepish–"And before that, with the motorcycle–"

"Motorcycle?" I was beginning to become difficult to remain calm. How much more was there? How much more danger had she keep quiet about?

She bit her lip. "I guess I didn't tell Alice about that part."

"No."

"Well, about that…See, I found that…when I was doing something dangerous or stupid…I could remember you more clearly"–my fists clenched at my sides–"I could remember how your voice sounded when you were angry. I could hear it, like you were standing right there next to me. Mostly I tried not to think about you, but this didn't hurt so much–it was like you were protecting me again. Like you didn't want me to be hurt.

"And, well, I wonder if the reason I could hear you so clearly was because, underneath it all, I always knew that you hadn't stopped loving me."

I felt like something inside my stomach had reached up and begun to throttle me by the throat. And yet I couldn't move. Bella had been left in danger- from Victoria, from the wolves, from her uncanny draw for all things deadly. I had already addressed that. The guilt seemed as much a part of my life as my love for her. But I had never, _never_ imagined that Bella was in danger from herself. She had _promised_ me. She would keep herself safe.

The words choked out of my throat. "You…were…risking your life…to hear–"

"Shh." Bella hushed me harshly. "Hold on a second. I think I'm having an epiphany here."

Until she spoke I hadn't been able to remove myself from the torment. But her brusque words pulled me back and brought my focus to her face. She still wore the same contemplative look as before, and she was staring intently at a point on the forest floor. She chewed on her lip absently. Her face began to flicker through a range of emotions. Confusion, shock, realization, and finally her mouth fell open in a strange expression that could almost be described as relief. Her mouth hung open slightly.

"Oh!"

"Bella?"

"Oh. Okay. I see."

"Your epiphany?" My voice was still not completely under control.

"You love me."

A corner of my mouth rose. "Truly, I do." So that was what it finally took to make her believe? Suicidal tendencies and voices in her head? I tried not to think about the prompt for her words, and instead focused on her so-called epiphany. It seemed to be working a change through her, the knowledge spreading a lightness over her being.

She looked at peace for the first time this evening. The creases smoothed where her brow had been wrinkled in thought. Her eyes were wide with the joy of her new realization. She was finally beginning to look like the Bella from my memories– the Bella from Phoenix, filled with that characteristic warmth which was so out of place in rainy Forks, Washington. Her lips were red from where she had chewed on them and her face was slightly flushed with the emotions behind her revelation. She was beautiful. And she was looking at me…like she loved me.

I took her face gently between my hands and pulled her lips to mine, as though to emphasize the words that had just been spoken. I kissed her as gently as I could, given the circumstances. But then again, the circumstances were a little intense. When I finally pulled away we were both breathing in ragged gasps.

I leaned my forehead against hers; my beautiful, perfect Bella. My strong Bella, who had born more pain than I could have imagined in such a fragile body. I remembered the crushing weight I had felt while I was gone. And I had known that Bella loved me! I couldn't grasp how someone so breakable had been able to function with that same weight and more, thinking that I had given up on her. My brave Bella.

"You were better at it than I was, you know," I said.

"Better at what?"

"Surviving. You, at least, made an effort. You got up in the morning, tried to be normal for Charlie, followed the pattern of your life. When I wasn't actively tracking, I was…totally useless. I couldn't be around my family." I grimaced to think of the pain I'd caused them. "I couldn't be around anyone. I'm embarrassed to admit that I more or less curled up into a ball and let the misery have me." I flashed her a sheepish grin, ashamed of my actions. "It was much more pathetic than hearing voices. And, of course, you know I do that, too." Yes. Between the two of us, if someone was crazy then it was definitely me.

Bella smiled back at me–a genuine smile. "I only heard one voice." It was clear from her tone that she wasn't ashamed of that. She almost seemed to be…proud of it.

I laughed and hugged her close as we walked toward the house. Silly Bella. Only she would hear a voice in her head and be grateful for it instead of seeking medical help like any normal person would.

"I'm just humoring you with this," I said, bringing my focus back to the issue at hand as we moved forward. I gestured toward the house that had appeared in front of us. "It doesn't matter in the slightest what they say."

Bella's eyes narrowed defiantly and the arm I had slung around her shoulder felt her straighten a bit taller. "This affects them now, too."

I shrugged. It didn't matter. This decision wasn't up for negotiation, though it was certainly much too important to leave up to Bella. She was just too uninformed. There was no way she could understand what this all meant until it was too late, and I would never let it get to that point.

Besides, there was no reason to worry. My family would side with me. I was the Cullen here and that deserved some sort of loyalty.

As we entered the house and I flipped on the lights for Bella's benefit, I was struck by how good it felt to be back. Even just the memory of Bella had made this place more of a home than anywhere I had ever lived. And now with her beside me, it really did feel like a homecoming.

I could hear the thoughts of my family in different places throughout the house, waiting for my cue. They were keeping silently out of the way, allowing Bella and I some room and letting us dictate the pace. They were still wary after Volterra. I called them forward by name. "Carlisle? Esme? Rosalie? Emmett? Jasper? Alice?"

Carlisle appeared alone and moved over to Bella with a smile.

"Welcome back, Bella," he greeted. "What can we do for you this morning? I imagine, due to the hour, that this is not a purely social visit?"

_The others will follow if this is how you want it_, he thought, only for me. Alice had obviously let him in on Bella's plan. _How you _both _want it, though I think it might be best if we leave Bella in control here. She's earned that much_. I couldn't argue with that. She had called for this meeting. If it made her happy to pretend that this vote of hers would make a difference then I would just have to sit through it.

Her face was set in rigid determination. "I'd like to talk to everyone at once, if that's ok. About something important."

Carlisle searched my face. _Do you have any objection to this, Edward?_ I sighed minutely, too small for Bella to hear. Of course I did, but it was clear from my expression that I'd already given up. She could have her charade.

"Of course," Carlisle responded, after he had read the resignation on my face. "Why don't we talk in the other room?" He prompted her, filling in her gaps of knowledge about such proceedings. It was clear that she wanted to be overly formal about this, but wasn't quite sure how to go about it.

We all took our seats at the dining room table, the traditional setting for any of the more formal Cullen discussions. We rarely used this room. It was more of a prop than anything else. But on a rare occasion, when there was something serious to be discussed, we would circle around and have…not a forum…but something close. Alice had once called a meeting to discuss her birthday gifts.

Tonight felt almost as ridiculous. A silly waste of time. But I could be patient if that was what Bella needed.

My family filed in behind us and took their places in their chairs. Carlisle courteously offered up his normal spot at the head of the table to Bella and took a seat next to her instead. I sat on her other side.

I searched Alice's mind as she sat down in her seat next to me, grinning conspiratorially at Bella. I could see vague impressions of the vote, but not enough to make a solid prediction about the outcome.

_Carlisle and Rose are both conflicted_, Alice thought as she caught my expression and guessed what I was doing. _But I'm not going to let you see the outcome either way. You're either going to be very angry or very smug, and you're no fun in either of those moods._

I gave her a quick glare. I had been very calm about this until now, and she was making things difficult.

"The floor is yours," Carlisle said, nodding at Bella to begin.

I could hear Bella's heart begin to race and she swallowed loudly. She was nervous. I should have known.

I grabbed her hand in assurance under the table and met the eyes of every member of my family, both warning them to behave and reminding them of where their loyalties lay. With me.

"Well," Bella began, her voice a little shaky. "I'm hoping Alice had already told you everything that happened in Volterra?"

"Everything," Alice affirmed.

Bella stared at her intently. "And on the way?"

"That, too."

I caught a brief bit of the conversation from their plane trip to Italy. The important part. The part Bella was referring to. The part where Alice mentioned making Bella a vampire herself. I scowled at Alice. She ignored me.

"Good." Bella sighed. "Then we're all on the same page." She was quiet for a moment, and I browsed through the minds of my family, looking for their choices. Loyalty aside, I was certain of a 'yes' from Alice and Esme. Most likely a 'no' from Rosalie. Both Jasper and Emmett were thinking of other things, so I couldn't be certain of their votes, but I was fairly certain that they, at least, would leave the decision up to me. They would vote how I did.

I found myself wondering why I cared so much, especially if the vote didn't matter. Bella wasn't becoming a vampire majority or not. Carlisle wouldn't allow it. I wouldn't allow it. But for some reason I couldn't place this meeting didn't feel right. It felt dangerous. I didn't like how the power had been taken out of my hands, even if it was only in appearance.

After a long pause, Bella continued. "So, I have a problem. Alice promised the Volturi that I would become one of you. They're going to send someone to check, and I'm sure that's a bad thing–something to avoid.

"And so, now, this involves you all. I'm sorry about that." She looked around at everyone, playing true to her role of moderator. Her eyes finally settled on mine with a little uncertainty. "But, if you don't want me, then I'm not going to force myself on you, whether Alice is willing or not."

_Don't want her?!_ Esme was bewildered at the thought. _Surely she knows that she's as much my child as Edward is!_ She began to say as much but Bella held up her hand.

"Please, let me finish," she said. "You all know what I want. And I'm sure you know what Edward thinks, too. I think the only fair way to decide is for everyone to have a vote. If you decide you don't want me, then…I guess I'll go back to Italy alone. I can't have _them_ coming _here_." Her face was serious.

I began to growl at that thought. _That_ was something I would never allow. I wouldn't even humor her whims in that case, as I was now.

Bella pointedly refused to look at me. She was being stubborn.

"Taking into account, then, that I won't put any of you in danger either way, I want you to vote yes or no on the issue of me becoming a vampire." There was a hint of a smile on her lips as she finished and waved her hand toward Carlisle to begin the vote.

"Just a minute," I said. Bella turned to glare at me, pettily. I squeezed her hand in reassurance. It was clear that she was annoyed at the delay. Well, she had offered me the chance to air my opinions by coming, though I was certain she had just been looking for a ride here at the time. She didn't have a choice now.

That was her mistake. She had underestimated my side of the argument. I still had a card or two left up my sleeve. It was time to voice the plan that had been building in the back of my mind since Italy.

"About the danger Bella's referring to," I began. "I don't think we need to be overly anxious." I met the eyes of my family in the same manner Bella had. "You see, there was more than one reason why I didn't want to shake Aro's hand there at the end. There's something they didn't think of, and I didn't want to clue them in." I smiled. The more I thought about it, the more the plan made sense. Pieces began to fall into place.

"Which was?" Alice prompted. _Get _on _with it. I'm fairly certain I don't like where you're going with this_.

"The Volturi are overconfident," I explained "and with good reason. When they decide to find someone, it's not really a problem. Do you remember Demetri?" I addressed the last part directly to Bella. I could see her shudder at the name. "He finds people–that's his talent, why they keep him.

Now, the whole time we were with any of them, I was picking their brains for anything that might save us, getting as much information as possible. So I saw how Demetri's talent works. He's a tracker–a tracker a thousand times more gifted than James was." Bella winced slightly at the name. "His ability is loosely related to what I do, or what Aro does. He catches the…flavor? I don't know how to describe it…the tenor…of someone's mind, and then he follows that. It works over immense distances.

"But after Aro's little experiments, well…" I trailed off with a shrug, letting the implication sink it. Having heard it out loud, what had been a vague observation now seemed like a rather brilliant plan. Bella's concerns over the Volturi were completely unfounded. She was safe from them. She had no practical reason to become a vampire.

"You think he won't be able to find me," Bella stated the unspoken words, her voice even, but seething with annoyance.

I smiled. "I'm sure of it. He relies totally on that other sense. When it doesn't work with you, they'll all be blind."

"And how does that solve anything?"

Did she need me to spell _everything_ out for her? It wasn't all that complicated of a plan.

"Quite obviously, Alice will be able to tell when they're planning a visit, and I'll hide you. They'll be helpless. It will be like looking for a piece of straw in a haystack!" The more I explained, the better it sounded. I was completely confident. There was no way the Volturi could come near her.

I glanced at Emmett. My brothers would appreciate this plan much more than Bella. _Right on!_ he thought.

Bella glared fiercely at me. "But they can find you."

"And I can take care of myself."

Emmett laughed at that and extended his fist toward me.

"Excellent plan, my brother," he said. _We're gonna kick some Volturi butt!_

I bumped his fist with mine, a huge grin on my face.

"No," Rosalie said. She was staring angrily at Emmett.

"Absolutely not," Bella said predictably.

"Nice," from Jasper. _There's some solid strategy in that one_.

"Idiots," Alice grumbled to herself. _I swear, those boys are going to get themselves killed one day._

Everyone seemed to have something to say about it except for Carlisle. I glanced at him curiously. He was deliberating, taking into account the new option I had just placed forward. He didn't seem as enthusiastic about it as the rest of us, though perhaps not as disapproving as Bella and Esme.

My mother's thoughts were loud, blaring in my head, though she didn't speak. She was never one to criticize me out loud. But mentally, where it was just her and me, she let loose with a maternal passion. _You want to take on the _Volturi_?! Again? No. Absolutely not. Not even an option. I can believe after all of this that you would still put yourself in danger! Forget me. Forget your family. What about Bella? Can't you imagine what this would do to her? No. No no no._

I tuned out the rest as a pang of guilt ripped through me. Esme's disapproval was something I hadn't thought about. It wouldn't stop me, but it was difficult to watch her worry.

Bella squared her shoulders and lifted her chin.

"All right, then," she said. "Edward has offered an alternative for you to consider." Her voice was even, trying to be fair, but her eyes flashed as she spoke. Just as she had accused me, she wanted make sure everyone knew what _she_ thought as well. "Let's vote."

She took a deep breath and turned to me first. Her eyes betrayed her nerves, but her face was set. "Do you want me to join your family?"

I glared back. Of course she had to word it like that. Family had nothing to do with this. "Not that way," I said. "You're staying human." I left no room for argument. It wasn't a desire. It was a fact.

Bella nodded and continued on quickly.

"Alice?"

"Yes." No surprises there.

"Jasper?"

"Yes."

Bella's eyebrows rose a bit, but otherwise her face was cool. I frowned at the unexpected answer. But I suppose it did make sense. Jasper was nothing if not practical.

"Rosalie?"

There was a pause as Rosalie deliberated, and I was surprised at the tenderness in her thoughts. On the way back from the airport I had been tuning out Rosalie, with more important issues on my mind, so I hadn't noticed the new tenderness she had formed toward Bella. But it seemed that her jealousy was more deep-rooted than her more recent gratitude.

"No."

Bella began to move on, but Rosalie held up her hands.

"Let me explain," she said. "I don't mean that I have any aversion to you as a sister. It's just that…this is not the life I would have chosen for myself. I wish there had been someone there to vote no for me."

Typical Rosalie. Trying to make this about her. But I was grateful for her support, ridiculous as its foundation may have been.

Bella nodded and continued to Emmett.

"Hell, yes!" he exclaimed with a huge grin. "We can find some other way to pick a fight with this Demetri."

That stung. I had expected Emmett to side with me. If not because of fraternal loyalty then because of the potential for action it provided. I flashed him an angry look and his smile turned sheepish. _Sorry, bro. Bella is as much a part of the family as you are. I can't say no._

Emmett's unexpected decision took me by surprise, and I took a moment to reevaluate. How much power did I really hold here? Sure, I had refused to make Bella a vampire, and up until now that had seemed like enough. But at this point, Rosalie was the only one who had said no. How much of an opposition was I really facing?

As if to confirm my fears Esme smiled warmly when Bella turned to her.

"Yes, of course, Bella. I already think of you as part of my family."

"Thank you, Esme."

As Bella turned toward Carlisle the tension in the room grew exponentially. Everyone was silent, waiting for his answer. I was struck by the significance this moment. As much as I respected the opinions of my family, Carlisle's opinion was the one we all abided by. I realized how stupid I had been to allow this. I had forgotten how much influence he had over us, and more specifically me. I trusted and respected him more than anything else in existence.

I would abide by his choice, whatever it was. I had to.

Carlisle met my eyes as his inner debate came to a close. I could feel the horror begin to form deep down in my stomach and rise up through my throat.

_There isn't much of a choice for me to make here_, he thought. _If you stay in her life then she had a decision to make. And this is Bella's decision, her life. We have no right to force her one way or the other, and quite frankly it would probably be dangerous to try._ He caught the look on my face. "Edward." It was a warning.

"No," I managed to growl. Every muscle in my body was tense. I struggled not to lose control. I was acutely aware of Bella's hand in mine.

"It's the only way that makes sense," Carlisle explained. "You've chosen not to live without her, and that doesn't leave me a choice."

I let go of Bella's hand, afraid that any minute I would forget myself and give in to the urge to crush something. I couldn't risk hurting her. I needed to get away. I shoved my chair out and fled the room. I heard Carlisle's sigh behind me.

"I guess you know my vote."

I tuned out the rest, furious.

I felt betrayed and helpless. And weak. With all of my strength and speed, I still didn't have what it took to protect Bella's soul. Vampire against human, and yet somehow the human had won. I wanted to grab her, _force_ her to live her life, but no amount of brute strength could change this. What chance did such a physical being as a vampire have in the realm of souls? I didn't even have one.

My limbs felt like they were on fire as my anger flowed through them. I grabbed one of Esme's vases off the table and hurled it at the wall.

This was my fault. I had been so _stupid_. I should never have allowed this horrendous vote in the first place. It was a trap and I had walked right into it. How could I keep Bella safe when I couldn't even save her from herself? She was going to damn her soul because of sheer stubbornness, and I was expected to sit by and watch? My sweet, selfless Bella was going to sacrifice everything she deserved for a monster like me, who was so selfish that I couldn't even manage to escape the thought that part of me wanted this.

I twisted down further into the anger inside me, this time directed at myself. After all this, the struggle to keep her safe and human, I still _wanted_ this. I wanted to hold her hand and not worry that if I became too emotional I would crush it. When I kissed her I wanted to forget everything and hold her to me with all my strength. I wanted every piece of her. I wanted eternity. I was despicable.

As if she knew that it were the only thing that could break me out of my thoughts, Bella spoke from the other room. Dangerous, horrible, unexpected words.

"Well, Alice. Where do you want to do this?"

All the emotions compressed inside me came bursting outward through my lips as I stormed back into the room stopping directly in front of her. "No! _No_! NO!"

She _wouldn't_ do this now. It felt like by the time I had actually grasped the reality of the situation Bella would already be a vampire. Not only was it completely irrational, crazy, it was the most dangerous thing I had ever heard her suggest. She wanted Alice to bite her, on a whim. Give herself up to a thirsty vampire in a spur of the moment decision? Forget not letting her become a vampire. I would not let her die.

"Are you insane?" I demanded. "Have you utterly lost your mind?"

Bella cringed back from me in fear and threw her hands over her ears. I was breathing heavily as I struggled to remain my composure. I was losing control and if I didn't calm down she was going to get hurt. I'd probably already destroyed her eardrums.

"Um, Bella," Alice squeaked. "I don't think I'm _ready_ for that. I'll need to prepare…."

"You promised," Bella said, determined despite the face that she was cowering away from me.

"I know, but…Seriously, Bella! I don't have any idea how to _not_ kill you."

"You can do it. I trust you."

I snarled. Didn't she just hear Alice? This was tantamount to a death sentence! I could hear the fear in Alice's thoughts. _Not tonight. I'll prepare. This is too dangerous._

Bella turned to another avenue. "Carlisle?"

I grabbed her face and forced her to look at me. She wasn't going to let herself die tonight. Because whether she ended up a vampire or not, if this continued Bella the human would die tonight, almost her entire life left unlived. She had so much to wait for.

Carlisle ignored the palm I had held out to silence him.

"I'm able to do it," he said. "You would be in no danger of me losing control."

Bella's words sounded a little awkward because of my hand, but she insisted on talking anyways. "Sounds good."

"Hold on," I argued, my face tensed with my struggle for self-control. "It doesn't have to be now."

"There's no reason for it not to be now," she insisted.

"I can think of a few."

"Of course you can." I swore she was about to roll her eyes. "Now let go of me."

I did as she asked and folded my arms. Not even Bella could deny my logic here. "In about two hours, Charlie will be here looking for you. I wouldn't put it past him to involve the police."

"All there of them." Her bravado didn't fool me. She got my point. She couldn't leave her family like that, with all the pain of uncertainty. It just wasn't in her. She was too good a person. They would never know what had happened to her, if she was happy, or even alive. She would be just another missing persons flyer in the police station where Charlie worked. He would see her face every day and wonder who had taken his baby.

I allowed her a moment to let everything sink in and then continued with my argument to persuade Carlisle. I turned to him. "In the interest of remaining _inconspicuous_ I suggest that we put this conversation off, at the very least"–the _very_ least–"until Bella finishes high school, and moves out of Charlie's house."

"That's a reasonable request, Bella," Carlisle agreed.

She frowned, reluctant to give up on her argument so easily. After a moment's consideration she pursed her lips stubbornly. "I'll consider it."

Relief flooded through me. That was as good as a concession and it was probably the best that I would get from her tonight.

"I should probably take you home," I said, changing the subject. It was best to put an end to all this madness and remove Bella from temptation. "Just in case Charlie wakes up early." I moved a little closer, trying to herd her toward the door, but Bella ignored me.

"After graduation?" she asked Carlisle. I rolled my eyes in frustration. That girl would stop at nothing to drive me crazy. I had suggested graduation as an absolute _minimum_. Even that was pushing it.

"You have my word," he answered, making a point to me as much as to Bella.

Bella took a deep breath and turned to smile at me. She seemed calm, and incredibly full of herself, now that she had gotten what she wanted. I, on the other hand, felt like my nerves might break to pieces if I didn't get her away from the house filled with vampires. There were too many unknowns here now. Too much had gone wrong tonight. It was time to count my losses and retreat. I had some real thinking to do.

As I pulled Bella onto my back and began to run through the forest, I thought about what I still had control over. What cards did I still hold? If I was going to make this situation work to my advantage I was going to have to accept some facts.

First, Bella would become a vampire. I cringed at the thought. It wasn't as though I hadn't seen it in Alice's visions since the early moments of our relationship, but I had always refused to give the images even the slightest amount of credibility. Alice would probably call it denial. I called it exhausting. Now I forced myself to face the images as truth. Though I may have bluffed it well, I couldn't imagine spending the rest of Bella's life fighting against her. If she was determined to do this, there wasn't much I could do to stop her. I wasn't willing to turn into her prison guard.

Second, I couldn't force Bella to do anything. I had learned that the hard way. How many times had I repeated this mistake with disastrous results? First James, then my abandonment, and now this business becoming a vampire. Bella did what she wanted and my best bet, my only bet really, was to work with her instead of against her.

So how was I to get Bella to do anything? I needed to change her mind, I knew that. A month or two was just not enough time. She hadn't seemed convinced that waiting was best, merely resigned, and she was already eighteen. I remembered from the memories of her birthday how much it bothered her to be physically older than me. How far would that drive her? For all I knew she would tie up all her loose ends the moment she got back. She would say goodbye, move out, and a week later her soul would be damned. It was a stretch, and I couldn't actually see Bella letting go that quickly, but the underlying issue was still a problem. She wanted this done with as quickly as possible.

I thought back to our time together, before there was a deadline on Bella's mortality. How had I managed to change her mind then? I remembered how I used to coax things out of her. It required a certain level of patience and time to allow Bella to ease out of her stubbornness, but I would feed into her desires. It was almost as though I would distract her. Show her the appeal to the alternatives. She had to want it.

That was where my power was.

I contemplated this as we neared her house. I had to give Bella something that she wanted more than just becoming a vampire. And I could trade it. For more time.

I tried to remain casual as I climbed into her room and placed her on the bed, but the look on her face was surprised, and then suspicious.

I concentrated and I paced across her room. Time was the goal here. The key. As much time as I could get. The more time I had, the more time I had to convince her of what she had as a human. Just because she couldn't see it now didn't mean that she wouldn't see it eventually. It was just like prom had been. Sure, she had kicked and screamed the whole way there. But even though she would never admit it, she had enjoyed herself. Bella didn't understand what she was missing, but the more time she had, the more I could make her see.

"Whatever you're planning," she broke into my thoughts "it's not going to work."

"Shh. I'm thinking." No use denying it now. But, what would she want in return? She hated gifts, so that narrowed things down quite a bit. I had a pretty good guess as to what she would ask for. And I would do it. I would do practically anything if it meant keeping my Bella safe, even from herself.

That was if she went for the bait.

"Ugh," she huffed as she threw herself back on the bed in defeat and tugged her quilt over her face. That wouldn't do. I didn't come back here so I could converse with a quilt. I sat down on the bed next to her and she gave an involuntarily jump and my sudden proximity. I pulled the quilt down to stare at her face. She glared back up at me, annoyed.

That made me smile and I brushed a strand of hair back off of her adorably non-threatening expression.

"If you don't mind," I said "I'd much rather you didn't hide your face. I've lived without it for as long as I can stand." I was getting distracted. There was a point to this conversation. "Now…tell me something."

Her eyes narrowed suspiciously. "What?"

"If you could have anything in the world, anything at all, what would it be?"

"You."

I shook my head. I should have seen _that_ bit of nonsense coming. "Something you don't already have."

She stared at me for a moment, analyzing my expression. She was trying to figure out both what I wanted her to say and if that was something she should admit. She was trying to keep her cards close to her chest, though not very well. I would have to play poker with her sometime. She would be terrible at it.

"I would want…" she admitted finally "Carlisle not to have to do it. I would want _you_ to change me." I had suspected it would be something like that. There weren't too many things Bella wanted.

She was staring at me warily as I continued. She could obviously see that I was going somewhere with this, and she also knew that she wouldn't like it, so she kept her emotions as guarded as she could. I tested the waters a bit to see how _much_ she wanted it. It was time to dangle the carrot.

"What would you be willing to trade for that?"

Her eyes bugged out, surprised. Out of all the answers she'd been waiting for it was clear that she didn't expect _that_ one. Her mouth hung open. Forget terrible, she'd be _atrocious_ at poker.

"Anything!" she blurted out, and then realized her mistake. She snapped her mouth closed and looked wary.

I did my best to control my face. _I_ was actually pretty good at poker. But her reaction combined with her answer was too much. A victory smile escaped my lips before I fought it back. She wanted this badly. I might be able to push this farther than expected.

"Five years?" I tried out, watching her expression carefully. Her eyes were wide again, but not in excitement like before. Ok, maybe I'd pushed it too far.

"You said anything," I tried.

"Yes, but…you'll use the time to fins a way out of it. I have to strike while the iron is hot. Besides, it's just too dangerous to be human–for me, at least. So, anything but _that_."

I frowned. She had seen right through my plan. Apparently my poker face was not as good as I thought. I reevaluated. How much _was_ this worth to her? "Three years?"

"No!" Her reaction was vehement.

"Isn't it worth anything to you at all?"

Her face froze and then she rearranged it with careful control. She was quite obviously trying to give anything away. I had a feeling this next number was going to be low. Lower than she was willing to go. I felt like I was bargaining with a market woman at a fish market.

"Six months?"

I substituted my laugh for a roll of my eyes. She didn't seriously think I would buy that? The questioning tone in her voice alone was enough to tell me that she would go higher. "Not good enough."

"One year, then," she conceded. "That's my limit."

"At least give me two." She had to see what a deal that was. I had gone down by three years from my original number.

"No way. Nineteen I'll do. But I'm not going anywhere _near_ twenty. If you're staying in your teens forever, then so am I."

Oh yeah. Her irrational fear of getting older. I pondered that.

Perhaps I was taking the wrong approach here. Apparently she didn't have any desire strong enough to compel her to stay human for any extended period of time. But did she have a fear? Was there anything that I could compel her to avoid? Next to age, what was her next biggest irrational fear? What could I do that would keep her with me?

The answer was suddenly blaringly obvious because not only was it one of her biggest fears, it was one of my greatest desires. And on her part it was most definitely an irrational fear. Once it came time, she would enjoy this as much as I did.

I chose my words carefully. "All right. Forget time limits. If you want me to be the one"–I laughed mentally at the double meaning–"then you'll have to meet one condition."

"Condition?" I could hear the fear in her voice. "What condition?"

"Marry me first."

The room was silent for a very long moment and if my heart could have beat it would have been pounding with nervous anticipation. My mind had been bargaining when I'd decided to ask, but now that the words had been said I was filled with dread at her answer. I hadn't felt this human in a long time. For a moment I was simply a man asking a woman for her hand. Nothing more.

It made sense that in exchange for what she wanted most, she would give me what I wanted most. There was a balance to this solution.

"Okay. What's the punch line?"

I sighed, a little sad, though not surprised. I shouldn't have expected her to take this seriously. It wasn't a conventional proposal in any sense. But I had hoped. "You're wounding my ego, Bella," I said, covering the hurt with a bantering tone. "I just proposed to you, and you think it's a joke."

"Edward, please be serious."

"I am one hundred percent serious." I stared at her, hoping she'd see how serious I really meant. This had turned into much more than a bargain. I was frozen, waiting for her answer.

She, on the other hand, was freaking out. "Oh, c'mon. I'm only eighteen."

Oh, so _now_ she was too young? Just a moment ago she wanted to stay eighteen forever. If I changed her was she planning on just never getting married? That ruffled me a bit.

"Well, I'm nearly a hundred and ten," I said, my voice growing impatient. "It's time I settled down."

I was not known for handling rejection well, not that I'd ever really had a problem with it. Bella had been the first human to react differently from the normal fearful awe. I had spent my entire life rejecting what I was and my unnatural desires. Now, it was painful to be on the other side. Didn't she _want_ to marry me? Was there something more to her refusal than an aversion to the institution?

Bella instinctually turned away from my anger and stared out the window. "Look, marriage isn't exactly that high on my list of priorities, you know? It was sort of the kiss of death for Renée and Charlie."

"Interesting choice of words."

She turned back and glowered at me. "You know what I mean."

I did and she was being unfair. If she wanted to be with me forever, then it only made sense that she should have to make the human commitment before the vampire one. This would bind us to each other forever, and soothe whatever fears left over from my departure that she had about my own commitment.

A commitment that was a raging double standard. She was staring at me as though I had truly gone crazy. How was it fair that she could expect me to commit to taking her soul when she couldn't even commit to a ceremony so common that it was performed daily around the world?

I took a deep breath before I spoke, trying to hide my annoyance. She wasn't the only one who didn't like double standards. "Please don't tell me that you're afraid of the commitment." She wanted to be a vampire but not a wife? Not my wife?

"That's not it exactly," she said, not sounding convincing at all. "I'm…"–I could see her wracking her mind for an excuse–"afraid of Renée. She has some really intense opinions on getting married before you're thirty." It wasn't a lie, but it served the same purpose.

"Because she'd rather you became one of the eternal damned than get married." I laughed. Bella's argument, when put in layman's terms, was ridiculously full of humor.

"You think you're joking," she scoffed. Well, I wasn't that one who had made it up.

"Bella, if you compare the level of commitment between a marital union as opposed to bartering your soul in exchange for an eternity as a vampire…" I shook my head, a little hurt at her reasoning. "If you're not brave enough to marry me, then–"

"Well," Bella interrupted brusquely. She didn't seem to find me sincere. "What if I did? What if I told you to take me to Vegas now? Would I be a vampire in three days?"

Her attempts at bravado were cute.

I smiled a huge, theatrical smile in response. It was probably even a bit over the top. But I got the point across. "Sure. I'll get my car."

"Dammit," she grumbled. "I'll give you eighteen months."

By the way she said it, it sounded like I would get quite a bit more time down my current route. "No deal," I said with a grin. "I like _this_ condition."

"Fine. I'll have Carlisle do it when I graduate." She didn't sound convinced.

"If that's what you really want," I said innocently with a shrug for added effect. It quite obviously wasn't what she wanted.

"You're impossible. A monster." But her words didn't carry too much threat.

"Is that why you won't marry me?" I teased with a laugh. I would have laughed a little harder if it wasn't true. She groaned in response and I sensed an opening. I leaned toward her, attempting to show her the benefits to my plan.

"_Please_, Bella?"

Her pulse raced and her breath hitched. She shook her head, both a denial and an attempt to clear her head.

"Would this have gone better if I'd had time to get a ring?" I asked. That was a mistake.

"No!" she practically fell out of her bed as her voice quickly rose in volume. "No rings!"

From down the hall, I heard the break in Charlie's dreams as he was jolted awake.

"Now you've done it," I whispered, annoyed again.

"Oops."

I could hear the sounds of movement in the other room as Charlie climbed out of bed.

"Charlie's getting up; I'd better leave." I waited for her response, hopeful. One look at her was enough to tell that she was completely against this idea. Almost fearfully so.

"Would it be childish of me to hide in your closet, then?" I suggested.

She seemed to like this idea. "No. Stay. Please."

I smiled and hid myself in her closet. I listened intently as she shifted in agitation. Our conversation had affected her.

Charlie trudged down the hallway to check once again on what he thought was his sleeping daughter. He was surprised and a little chagrined when she greeted him. This meant that he was going to have to have the conversation that he had been dreading.

"Oh, hey, Bella," he said. "I didn't know you were awake."

"Yeah. I've just been waiting for you to wake up so I could take a shower." I the sheets ruffle as Bella started to get out of bed.

"Hold on," Charlie grumbled and flipped on the light. He braced himself. "Let's talk for a minute first. You know you're in trouble."

"Yeah, I know."

"I just about went crazy these last three days. I come home from Harry's _funeral_, and you're gone. Jacob could only tell me that you'd run off with Alice Cullen, and that he thought you were in trouble." His remembered dread wracked through me. "You didn't leave me a number, and you didn't call. I didn't know where you were or when–or if–you were coming back. Do you have any idea how…how…" I cringed back and let his emotions flow through me. I deserved this. "Can you give me one reason why I shouldn't ship you off to Jacksonville this second?"

"Because I won't go." I gave an inaudible sigh. She had spent the entire night being stubborn with me. It seemed like now that she was in the habit, she wasn't going to stop with Charlie.

"Now just one minute, young lady–"

"Look, Dad," she interrupted. "I accept complete responsibility for my actions, and you have the right to ground me for as long as you want. I will also do all the chores and laundry and dishes until you think I've learned my lesson. And I guess you're within your rights if you want to kick me out, too–" I felt Charlie wince. He hadn't been serious about that. "But that won't make me go to Florida."

Charlie breathed deeply, trying to control his temper. He knew Bella was stubborn but he wasn't used to punishing her. And he certainly wasn't used to her defiance.

He changed the subject, not knowing how to respond. "Would you like to explain where you've been?"

Bella paused, no doubt trying to think up a suitable lie. "There was…an emergency."

When Charlie waited for more she took a deep breath and continued, a little bewildered. "I don't know what to tell you, Dad. It was mostly a misunderstanding. He said, she said. It got out of hand." So, she was going with an altered version of the truth. It was either very smart, or very stupid. We would only know once she had finished. She was also sacrificing herself to Charlie's wrath, but then again, that was something Bella would do. "See, Alice told Rosalie about me jumping off the cliff…." Charlie's heart skipped a beat and his mind whirled. He didn't have the chance to ask how Alice knew. He was too busy picturing a particularly painful scenario with the empty looking Bella that I'd began to expect in everyone's memories, tears on her face. Full of pain, she flung herself off the cliff, to the rocks below. It wasn't too different from what I had pictured when Rosalie told me.

I saw Bella grimace through Charlie's mind. "I guess I didn't tell you about that. It was nothing. Just messing around, swimming with Jake. Anyway, Rosalie told Edward, and he was upset. She sort of accidentally made it sound like I was trying to kill myself or something." I frowned, remembering how angry I was at Rosalie. What she told be wasn't accidental. I listened to the rest Bella's explanation with guilt, knowing what she wasn't saying. I had overreacted and Bella was nearly killed because of it.

Charlie's thoughts weren't much better. "_Were_ you trying to kill yourself, Bella?" he asked when she had come to a stop.

My body shook as realized how plausible an explanation this seemed to anyone who had seen Bella recently. For a while they had all been on one big suicide watch.

"No, of course not." Bella shrugged it off as though the idea was absurd. I tried to take comfort in that. "Just having fun with Jake. Cliff diving. The La Push kids do it all the time. Like I said, nothing." I didn't know who this Jake kid was, but he was going to have to watch his back. He had _allowed_ her to jump of a cliff? Bella was never going down to La Push again.

I was distracted by the flare of Charlie's anger, this time directed toward me. Now that his main concern was out of the way, he was able to focus on its cause. Me. Everything that had happened was _my_ fault. I didn't disagree on any particular point.

"What's it to Edward Cullen anyway? All this time, he's just left you dangling without a word–"

"Another misunderstanding," Bella interrupted, not allowing him to insult me as I deserved. Charlie heard the warning in her voice and his temper flared again.

"So is he back then?"

Bella paused and I realized that I had never stated the specifics as to how things would continue. I was back, clearly, but it wasn't as simple as that. Charlie's idea of back might differ from Bella's or mine. Was I going back to school now? Was everything back to normal? I could see how she might have difficulty explaining. "I'm not sure what the exact plan it. I _think_ they all are."

That was not the answer Charlie wanted and his voice shook. "I want you to stay away from him, Bella. I don't trust him. He's rotten for you. I won't let him mess you up like that again." His words sounded as though he had picked them straight from my head.

"Fine." I knew enough of Bella to be wary. She wouldn't have fought so hard earlier, just to give up to Charlie now.

Charlie's observations were not quite as astute. "Oh," he said, surprised. "I thought you were going to be difficult."

"I am. I meant, 'Fine, I'll move out.'"

Charlie's anger roared out of control as Bella chose me over him. I was certain that she didn't see it that way, but that was essentially what it was.

She continued on, concern in her voice.

"Dad, I don't _want_ to move out. I love you. I know you're worried, but you need to trust me on this. And you're going to have to ease up on Edward if you want me to stay. Do you want me to live here or not?" She sounded like she was reading a list of demands, and I was reminded of our most recent conversation.

"That's not fair, Bella. You know I want you to stay."

Her voice was firm. "Then be nice to Edward, because he's going to be where I am."

Apparently Bella's stubbornness was inherited, because Charlie raged at her demand. "Not under my roof."

Bella sighed. "Look, I'm not going to give you any more ultimatums tonight–or I guess it's this morning. Just think about it for a few days, okay? But keep in mind that Edward and I are sort of a package deal." I wondered at how easily she could say that after she had just refused to marry me. It seemed like she had already made the emotional commitment necessary.

"Bella–"

"Think it over," Bella said, refusing to argue any more. "And while you're doing that, could you give me some privacy? I _really_ need a shower."

Charlie's anger had not subsided in the slightest, but seeing as he was past words, and was not getting anywhere, he decided on a strategic retreat to count his losses and reevaluate his battle tactic. I slammed the door and stomped away pointedly.

The moment Charlie had slammed the door was moved out of the closet into the rocking chair. Bella threw off her quilt to get ready for the proposed shower.

"Sorry about that," she whispered to me, knowing that I'd be there.

I thought of Charlie's memories. They'd been worse while he'd watched her sleep, and if anything, his anger had saved me from a much deserved insight into Bella's pain. "It's not as if I don't deserve far worse," I mumbled. "Don't start anything with Charlie over me, please." It wasn't worth it.

"Don't worry about it," she said dismissively. She continued around her room, getting ready for her shower. "I will start exactly as much as it necessary, and no more than that. Or are you trying to tell me I have nowhere to go?" She widened her eyes. How did that matter? It was too dangerous a thought.

"You'd move in with a house full of vampires?"

She shrugged. "That's probably the safest place for someone like me. Besides…," she added with a grin. "If Charlie kicks me out, then there's no need for a graduation deadline, is there?"

I tensed at the thought that she could be a vampire within the week. "So eager for eternal damnation." I took comfort from the fact that Charlie would never actually follow through with the threat.

"You know you don't really believe that."

That caught me by surprise. Very angry surprise. "Oh, don't I?" Was that what was making her so stubborn? She didn't take me seriously when I told that we were damned monsters. As though she had any way to know.

"No. You don't."

I glared at her fiercely. I opened my mouth to tell her _exactly_ how much I believed it when she cut me off with a shake of her head.

"If you really believed that you'd lost your soul, then when I found you in Volterra, you would have realized immediately what was happening, instead of thinking we were both dead together. But you didn't–you said '_Amazing, Carlisle was right_.' There's hope in you, after all."

I simply stared at her, stunned. I had been so busy worrying about her safety while in Italy that I hadn't thought about that moment at all. It was eerily similar to the moment when Bella had first woken up here in Forks. I had been so out of it when Bella had first slammed into me in Volterra, that I didn't even consider what it had meant to me. Did I really think that I was in heaven? Was there really some part of me that had considered that?

Bella interrupted my thoughts. "So let's just be hopeful, all right?" she said. "Not that it matters. If you stay, I don't need heaven."

I thought about how true that sounded. At this point, it didn't matter if she married me or not. I was never going to leave her. I would always be here, to be that heaven she saw in me. I moved over to her and held her face between my hands.

"Forever," I promised her.

"That's all I'm asking for." And she reached up to kiss me fully.

A/N: I'm still debating if I want to write the epilogue. If I do, it'll probably take me a little longer to post than the previous updates. Big thanks to everyone who's read and reviewed!


	6. Epilogue: Treaty

EPILOGUE–TREATY

I was prepared for a lot with my return. I knew to expect a level of change, though most things went one much as they had before. I had forgotten how little could happen to someplace like Forks, Washington, always excepting the things that happened to Bella.

Charlie was justifiably angry at my return. After a couple days of a strict "no-visiting" policy, which I easily circumvented while he slept, I was finally allowed visiting hours. They were short, and supervised, but Bella was very clear in her demands. If I went, so did she.

High school was still the bland plague it had always been, with some minute adjustments in social circles. I was sad to see that Bella was a bit more excluded that she had been before. But overall nothing had changed much. Lauren and Jessica were catty. Angela was sweet. Mike was obnoxious. It didn't matter; they all shied away from me as they had before. Bella returned to find her grades had slipped during her brief, unplanned trip to Italy, and I found myself wondering if I really was a negative influence, at least in her academic life. In an attempt to ease my guilt I spent much of my free time looking into college options for Bella. She was a smart girl, and if it hadn't been for me, she probably would have gone to whatever school she wanted. I made calls to some old professors and cashed in a few favors. There were benefits to being an alumnus of several Ivy League schools. Carlisle had taught at several more. Bella would have her pick.

Another notable change was Bella herself. She was still my Bella, but there was a difference in the way she viewed the world. She was a little more clingy than she had been, though she didn't seem to notice the change. I could always see the anxiety on her face when I would have to leave to hunt.

At the same time she was also more needlessly reckless than she had been. She began to push her limits when she kissed me, not seeming to care when my breath raced, and my eyes glinted dangerously. I knew that I would never allow myself to hurt her, our close call in Italy took care of that, but she seemed instant on pushing me to my limit. Her recklessness also manifested itself in her driving habits. Before, Bella would yell at me whenever I hit anything over seventy on the freeway. Now she owned a motorcycle. _This_ disturbing change I blamed on Jacob Black.

When she first mentioned the werewolf boy I felt an instant distrust, and not just because he was a werewolf. I couldn't blame him for what he was, when I was just as abnormal myself. No, what I blamed him for was putting Bella in such blatant danger. He had allowed her near him when his temper might flare at any moment and kill her. I had spent the past hundred years trying to calm mine, and after a week he thought it perfectly safe to be around humans? To be close to Bella? It was clear where Bella's newfound recklessness came from.

And yet, hand in hand with this antagonism was a deep gratitude for everything Jacob had done. He had only stayed near her out of necessity, during a period where she couldn't be alone. He had held Bella together when she was falling apart. He kept her in danger because he was doing his best to fix what I had broken. From what I could see in Charlie's memories, Jacob, obnoxiously immature as he was, had broken down the wall that I had created in her and had pulled her back to reality. I was certain that if I had given her a little more time to move on, Jacob would have been the one to take my place.

It was an interesting emotion to place at first, but I felt a certain amount of jealousy for what he had with her. Not a jealousy like I had felt with Mike Newton. I had never taken Mike seriously, but Jacob was more worrying. For the first time in our relationship, Bella would sometimes get a look in her eyes as though she was torn between being with me and someone else. Though she would never admit it, she had begun to move on, and my return complicated that. I had asked her about it once, and she had written off her feelings as guilt for how she had hurt him. It was a ridiculous concept. He was the one hurting _her_, with his inability to accept her choice. Bella was happy again. Would he really begrudge her that? What she had done was only natural, and if Jacob couldn't see past that, then he didn't deserve her. It was obvious that he didn't care about the consequences, so long as he got to keep my Bella. The way she described him made him sound immature and selfish, more concerned with what he wanted than with what Bella needed.

That explained why he wouldn't return her calls. He was pouting. I could tell that Bella avoided talking about Jacob in front of me, and every once in a while, when I was waiting nearby for Charlie to fall asleep, I would hear her make a call to La Push. The petty boy never answered, and it always left Bella in a foul mood.

She did her best to hide her irritation, but as the weeks passed on in silence her calls became more frequent and there were times that she couldn't hold back her frustration. I remained quiet on the issue and let her vent, but I was fairly certain that she had noticed my disapproval.

"It's not you, Bella," I assured her quietly during one of her particularly passionate rages. "Nobody hates you." They hated me.

"Feels that way," she pouted, and I felt a little guilty that she had to bear all the weight of the situation. I had caused it, and now her best friend wouldn't talk to her. I tried to explain that.

"Jacob knows we're back," I told her. "He won't come anywhere near me. The enmity is rooted too deeply." And as guilty as I felt for her pain, I couldn't help but be grateful that he wasn't anywhere near her.

"That's stupid. He knows you're not…like other vampires."

I understood that was only a small part of what kept him away. Had the situation been turned around, I would have done the same thing. If I had been taken the task of holding together the broken heart that Jacob left behind, I would resent him too. And I would want to hurt him. "There's still good reason to keep a safe distance."

She simply glared out the windshield of the car.

"Bella, we are what we are," I tried to explain. "I can control myself, but I doubt he can. He's very young." And immature, and self-centered, and rude…"It would most likely turn into a fight, and I don't know if I could stop it before I k–" I rethought that answer. No need to worry her needlessly. I would do my best to keep him alive, but it wouldn't be too difficult to take down a solitary young wolf, and that would upset Bella. "Before I hurt him," I hedged. "You would be unhappy. I don't want that to happen." And that was my _only_ deterrent.

"Edward Cullen," Bella growled. "Were you about to say '_killed_ him'? Were you?" Oh. She had caught that.

I wanted very badly to say no.

"I would try…very hard…not to do that." It was the best I could offer.

Bella's face was frozen in horrified shock for a moment before it simply changed into horror. Her gaping mouth closed and she bit her lip anxiously. I could see her thinking about something painful, and I was sorry for what I had said. I had been careless and let my frustrations slip. She shouldn't hear that.

Out of the corner of my eye I watched her fight against the pain and eventually manage to pull on a half-hearted smile.

But I was too busy concentrating on the thoughts revolving around her house to pay attention to her inner struggle. The angry thoughts were bombarding me. Charlie hadn't been this furious since I'd brought Bella home from Italy.

Not quite as loud as his thoughts, but just as forceful, were those coming from the trees just nearby the house. Someone there was angry, and angry at me. Jacob.

"Well," Bella said with a sigh. "Nothing like that is ever going to happen, so there's no reason to worry about it. And you know Charlie's staring at the clock right now. You'd better get me home before I get in more trouble for being late."

I glared out the windshield at the patch of trees where the dog was hidden between the trees. From what I could see, he was standing impatiently, shifting from foot to foot as he waited. His thoughts skimmed angrily through all the possible scenarios he would face with Bella when she got back. He pictured telling her off with a long rant about how dangerous everything was, and how she was stupid to align herself with us Cullens. He imagined swooping her up and racing her down to La Push where she would be safe from me.

Charlie actually approved of this kid?

"You're already in more trouble, Bella," I warned her with a whisper.

Bella's eyes widened for a moment and then she squinted through the rain on the windshield.

"What? What is it?" Her voice rose in pitch, nervously.

I took a breath to calm my anger that was rising in response to the boy outside. "Charlie…," I lied.

"My dad?" Bella began to freak out.

I glanced at her reassuringly, and tried to explain a little more. "Charlie…is probably _not_ going to kill you." I browsed his thoughts quickly. "But he's thinking about it." I drove past the house and parked near the patch of trees where Jacob stood, waiting. It was probably best to give Bella the opportunity to kill the dog herself before Charlie kept her locked away in the house forever. I could tell, there was no way she was going to escape this fury.

"What did I do?" Bella asked breathlessly.

I looked back toward the house, directing her eyes toward the motorcycle that I found just as offensive as Charlie. Seeing it in person irritated me. When she had mentioned a motorcycle I had at least pictured something sturdier than that. What I saw in front of me could barely be classified as a street bike. Bella had no right to be riding around on that thing. It looked about ready to fall apart any moment. What idiot had declared it safe to drive?

"No!" Bella gasped when she saw it. "_Why_? Why would Jacob do this to me?"

I watched her shake in silent anger as her heart rate climbed and her breath quickened. She had clenched her hands into balls on her lap and was glaring out the window as though she might try to kill something. If she had been Rosalie or Emmett I would have made her get out of my car for fear she might break something. As it was, I wouldn't put it past her to break a window.

"Is he still here?" she managed to choke out.

"Yes. He's waiting for us there." I felt a little guilty sacrificing him to Bella's anger, but then again he deserved it. And if I couldn't show him some aggression, at least Bella could.

Bella was already out of the car and racing toward the forest, her face blazing in fury. For a brief moment I considered letting her go, but then I remember how dangerous that would be for her. Attacking a werewolf was _not_ on the list of things I would let Bella do. Thank goodness I was so much faster than her.

I slipped out of the car and grabbed her by the waist, ignoring her flailing hands.

"Let me go!" she shouted at me. "I'm going to murder him! _Traitor_!"

I heard Jacob from the shadow of the trees as he shifted uncomfortably. _I hadn't expected her to be so angry_, he thought. _At least it'll keep her away from that selfish bloodsucker._ I scoffed at that mentally. Did he know Bella at all? _I can't believe Sam made _me_ do this_. _I better get this meeting over with quickly, before he decides to let her lose. _Well, he was right about that.

"Charlie will hear you," I warned. "And once he gets you inside, he may brick over the doorway."

That seemed to register only just enough to bring her voice down to a very forceful volume just barely below shouting. "Just give me one round with Jacob, and then I'll deal with Charlie." She tried futilely to pry my arms from around her waist.

"Jacob Black wants to see _me_. That's why he's still here."

Bella stopped her struggling instantly. He face went white.

"Talk?" she squeaked.

"More or less."

"How much more?" For a moment I was a little scared she might faint on me.

I smoothed her hair back comfortingly. "Don't worry, he's not here to fight me. He's acting as…spokesperson for the pack."

"Oh."

_She should be home by now. I thought I heard that boy pull up_, I heard Charlie thinking. I saw a few images of the added punishments he was planning, and I pulled Bella forward into the trees. "We should hurry. Charlie's getting impatient."

As we entered, I watched Jacob scramble from his tensed stance to lean against a nearby tree. _Keep it casual_, he thought to himself. That plan was lost the moment he saw me. He glared fiercely at me and then noted us together. _She looks _wrong_ there, with him. It's like she a coroner dragging around one of her dead bodies. That isn't Bella_. I winced at the image of us together that had always plagued my mind. It seemed I wasn't the only one who noticed how poorly I seemed to fit next to her.

I stopped as soon as I knew that Bella could see him. The arm that I still held around her waist felt her tense slightly, and Jacob leaned forward, tempted to…whatever they called it…go wolf…and attack me. He settled with a sneer, not wanting to hurt Bella. I could feel him struggle to keep control.

I pulled Bella slightly behind, wishing that I had left her in the car, or had even turned her into Charlie. Then she wouldn't have been able to get near Jacob if she had wanted to. And I could make sure Jacob knew what his boundaries were. There were so many things I wanted to tell him, both good and bad, but I would have to settle for the bare minimum now.

"Bella," Jacob growled with a slight nod, not even acknowledging me.

"Why?" Bella asked, sounding slightly choked up. She was going to start crying, and then I _would_ have to start something with the dog. "How could you do this to me, Jacob?"

He faltered slightly at the pain in her voice. I wondered briefly what had he expected when he'd shown up tonight? Not anger. Not sadness. He certainly couldn't have expected her to be happy.

"It's for the best."

That revived Bella's anger a bit. "What is _that_ supposed to mean? Do you want Charlie to _strangle_ me? Or did you want him to have a heart attack, like Harry? No matter how mad you are at me, how could you do this to _him_?"

_Oh, crap_. He winced at the memory of Harry Clearwater and then wracked his brain trying to find what had been so brilliant about this plan. _Thirsty vampires. Right. Now how to explain that to Bella._

"He didn't want to hurt anyone–" I explained for him "he just wanted to get you grounded, so that you wouldn't be allowed to spend time with me." If he was going to be evasive in his answers, I would make sure Bella got the truth. He should face the consequences of his brilliant plan.

Jacob glared at me. _Get out from where you don't belong, leech. In fact, get out of here all together_.

"Aw, Jake!" Bella groaned, rolling her eyes at his stupidity. He certainly wasn't the brightest kid I'd ever met. "I'm _already_ grounded! Why do you think I haven't been down to La Push to kick your butt for avoiding my phone calls?"

_Um…your over-protective, needy, vampire prison guard?_

"That's why?" he asked, stunned, and then remembered that he wasn't alone in his head. _Aw, your over-protective, needy, _mind reading_, vampire prison guard_.

"He thought _I_ wouldn't let you, not Charlie," I explained. Bella had a right to know.

"Stop that," Jacob snapped.

I kept my thoughts to myself, noting the anger that rippled through him. I'd forgotten to keep him calm. I'd have to be careful not to provoke him anymore.

"Bella wasn't exaggerating about your…abilities," Jacob observed as he struggled for control. "So you must already know why I'm here."

"Yes," I agreed, but didn't voice my thoughts on the issue. If I was trying to keep Jacob calm, now was as good a time as any to let him know that I didn't hate him. Not completely. "But, before you begin, I need to say something."

Jacob just continued to struggle with his anger.

"Thank you," I said, and I meant it. So sincerely. "I will never be able to tell you how grateful I am. I will owe you for the rest of my…existence."

Jacob froze, surprised. _Me? What did _I_ do?_ He looked at Bella, and Bella looked at me.

"For keeping Bella alive," I explained. "When I…didn't." That was the simplest way to put it. He had done so much more than that, but I could find the words to really explain what it meant to me. So I would have to settle with a 'thank you'.

"Edward–" Bella began to defend me, but I held up my hand. Now was not the time for her to downplay her pain. Both Jacob and I knew the truth of the situation, and it wouldn't help matters to have Bella pretend that it was nothing. Jacob needed to know how grateful I was for _everything_.

As the shock wore off, Jacob began to understand my meaning. "I didn't do it for your benefit."

"I know. But that doesn't erase the gratitude I feel. I thought you should know. If there's ever anything in my power to do for you…"

_Anything? You know what I want_, Jacob thought with a raise of his eyebrow. _Would you leave?_

I shook my head, remembering what had happened the last time I had tried that. Did he? "That's not in my power."

"Whose, then?"

I looked down at Bella and she stared back up at me lovingly. "Hers. I'm a quick learner Jacob Black, and I don't make the same mistake twice. I'm here until she orders me away."

Bella stared at me, and her look gave me all the reassurance I needed. She didn't want me to leave, and it seemed like she never would. I could be content with that. All the rest of the guilt I had built up inside of me I could handle while she still loved me. I would never leave her.

"Never," Bella agreed.

_That's disgusting. _I heard a gagging noise from Jacob. What were we, five? Bella and I loved each other. Watching us wouldn't give him cooties.

Bella was annoyed as well. "Was there something else you needed, Jacob?" she snapped at him. "You wanted me in trouble–mission accomplished. Charlie might just send me to military school. But that won't keep me away from Edward. There's nothing that can do _that_. What more do you want?"

Jacob watched me, unable to meet Bella's angry eyes. He fully understood what a mistake he had made in coming here. But this next part gave him a little jolt of sick pleasure. The main purpose of his visit. The wolf pack's message.

"I just needed to remind your bloodsucking friends of a few key points in the treaty they agreed to. They treaty that is the only thing stopping me from ripping his throat out right this minute." I really did want to hit him in that moment. This was a message best delivered without Bella's knowledge. I raced to cut him off before he could say anything that would cause Bella unnecessary worry. And Jacob just might hear something he wasn't prepared to handle.

"We haven't forgotten," I said. I wasn't quick enough. At the same moment Bella asked, "What key points?"

"The treaty is quite specific. If any of them bite a human, the truce is over. _Bite_, not kill," he said, staring at me. _The moment I can, I _will_ kill you. No matter what she thinks she wants._

Bella gasped beside me as Jacob turned to look at her and the blood drained from her face. "That's none of your business," she spat.

"The hell it–" and then he grasped the meaning of her words. The eventuality that neither he nor I wanted. His body began to shake, and I tensed, ready to fight if needed. His thoughts ran through his head in a tumult. _How could she. She actually _wants_–how could he allow her? My Bella?_ That hit something in me. She was _my_ Bella.

He clearly had a huge misconception about the nature of my relationship with Bella. He had come here, expecting to find Bella a miserable prisoner, trapped in this world of vampires, grateful for the escape he offered. Instead, he found Bella happy and whole, unlike he had every really known her. She was with me of her own will, and down a path that would keep her with me forever.

_She actually _wants_ this?_ he thought again. He pressed his fists to his temples, trying to block out the anger. All of us knew how dangerous it would be if he lost control.

"Jake? You okay?" Bella asked beside me and took a step forward to assess. I instinctually pulled her back behind me.

"Careful!" I hissed. "He's not under control."

That sent a shiver through Jacob, but he had calmed down to the point where he could speak again. His thoughts joined themselves back together, cohesive once again. They raged at me. "Ugh. _I_ would never hurt her," he said pointedly.

I hissed. Just because I didn't turn into a wolf when I was angry didn't make me any less dangerous. I had buttons that could be pushed as well.

It was at that exact moment that Charlie noticed my car parked on the street.

"BELLA!" he shouted. "YOU GET IN THIS HOUSE THIS INSTANT!"

We all froze at the interruption.

"Crap," Bella whispered beside me.

_Oops_, Jacob thought. "I _am_ sorry about that," he mumbled. "I had to do what I could–I had to try…" I appreciated the sentiment more than Bella.

"Thanks," she muttered sarcastically. She wasn't particularly threatening as her voice trembled. I could see that she was a little afraid to go in the house.

"One more thing," I whispered to Bella. I quickly remembered the last of my thoughts in the conversation with Jacob, perhaps the most important, and turned back. "We've found no trace of Victoria on our side of the line–have you?" On this, at least, we would have to work together.

_Victoria? No,_ he thought in surprise. "The last time was while Bella was…away. We let her think she was slipping through–we were tightening the circle, getting ready to ambush her–but then she took off like a bat out of hell. Near as we can tell, she caught you little female's scent and bailed. She hasn't come near out lands since."

I nodded, grateful for the information. "When she comes back, she's not your problem anymore. We'll–"

"She killed on our turf," Jacob interrupted. "She's ours!" I didn't know how I felt about that. It was good to know that my family and I wouldn't be the only ones watching, but the possessiveness of the way he talked about it frustrated me. Because Victoria was mine. _I_ would be the one to kill her for what she had done to Bella.

"No–" Bella hissed, uneasy, but Charlie interrupted her from the house.

"_BELLA!_ I _SEE_ HIS CAR AND I _KNOW_ YOU'RE OUT THERE! IF YOU AREN'T _INSIDE_ THIS HOUSE IN _ONE_ MINUTE…!"

"Let's go," I said. The longer we waited, the worse his anger would be, especially now that he knew we were here.

Bella looked back at Jacob longingly and my stomach dropped a bit. After all that, she still wanted to be with him.

"Sorry," he whispered. "Bye, Bells."

"You promised," she tried, her voice hopeful. "Still friends, right?"

_I don't know how_, he thought. _Not with him around. Not knowing that one day you'll_– he stopped his thoughts there, not willing to think about that eventuality. I understood that, at least. He shook his head. "You know how hard I've tried to keep that promise, but…I can't see how to keep trying. Not now…" He tried to look brave and hard. He tried to emulate Sam. But his face broke into a sad expression, the longing matching Bella's. It was horrible to watch, the two of them, longing to be with one another and to comfort each other. The both longed to make the other one complete. "Miss you," he mouthed at Bella and reached for her.

She reached her hand out in a mimicking gesture. "Me, too," she choked. The emotion was too much for her. "Jake…" she called, and stepped toward him.

I knew what would happen if I let her go. She would move forward and within moments she would be in Jacob's arms. He would hold her in a way that I thought I would only be allowed, and she would feel the comfort of his warm body. That was something I couldn't give her. Jacob could complete her in a way that I couldn't.

I had no choice but to hold her back. Perhaps one day I would find it in me to be selfless about this, but in the moment I couldn't. Bella was mine, and I couldn't let her go. Not yet.

"It's okay," she tried to reassure me, but I was frozen in pain.

"No, it's not."

"Let her go," Jacob growled at me. "She _wants_ to!" _Apparently he is her prison guard. This is _her_ choice._ He strode forward, ready to fight me. I pushed Bella back behind me. This was her choice, and eventually I would let her make it. But I couldn't now. Not yet. Bella tried to shove forward again. This was going to be difficult if she got in the way.

"No! Edward–"

"ISABELLA _SWAN_!" Charlie's booming voice saved me. Bella grasped at the opportunity to end the fight.

"Come on! Charlie's mad!" She tugged on my arm. "Hurry!"

I took a deep breath to relax and let her pull me back toward the house. I kept my eyes on Jacob as we retreated. He kept his face as harsh as he could given the circumstances, but I could hear the longing in his mind as Bella moved away from him. He wanted to run forward, scoop her up, and carry her away to La Push where it would be like it had been before. Just the two of them.

I made sure to keep myself between him and Bella.

And then, as we left the forest and made our way toward the house, Jacob was a wolf and took off toward La Push.

I kept my arm around Bella's waist as we approached the house, worried that she might be overcome with emotion. She had a lot on her plate right now. She was torn between a vampire and a werewolf who she thought hated her. There were dozens of vampires out there who wanted her dead. And now she was going to have to face her infuriated father. Tonight was not a good night.

I felt Bella square her shoulders, determined to be strong, and I marveled at her courage. Everything was stacked against us. I felt like Romeo all over again. We were as much a pair of star-crossed lovers as any throughout literature. But more importantly, she didn't _have_ to have that. She had options in front of her, and though I didn't envy her choice, I knew what was logical. I had nothing to offer her but danger.

And then I knew why I had such an intense hatred for Jacob. He was everything I wasn't. He was more human than I would ever be. If he chose, he could grow old with her and give her a family. He could hold her without giving her pneumonia. He could kiss her without wanting to kill her. His temper was really the only danger and he had managed to keep control over that much better than I had expected. I started to wonder if perhaps he _was_ the better man.

I wanted to stay, but it was Bella's decision. She was going to have to choose. Not tonight, but soon. I had meant it when I had told Jacob that I was here to stay. As long as she wanted me. But I also meant what I hadn't said. What would happen if she didn't want me. I wasn't her prison guard.

I tightened my hold on Bella with a tiny squeeze. "I'm here," I promised her, offering as much reassurance as I could, to us both. She seemed to like that thought, because her face smoothed and suddenly she seemed ready to face Charlie.

I forced myself not to think of the future with all of its horrible unknowns. For tonight, at least, she was my Bella. I didn't know what she would choose tomorrow, but, in the meantime, I was here.

A/N: Well, I finished that faster than expected. :) The epilogue ended on kind of a sad note, but from Edward's point of view, at least, I think that New Moon leaves him in a very uncertain place. Once he's past that initial relief of being back with Bella, he's forced to realize that his girlfriend has fallen in love with someone else. And as self-loathing as he is, I don't think Edward would take that well. When it comes to Jacob, Edward sees a lot more than Bella, though his sight is definitely still clouded. It's kind of a build up to his mindset in Eclipse. This story was a lot of fun to write, and I hope as much fun to read. I might go back and edit this later, but for now it's going to stand as is. Anyways, so long and thanks for all the fish!


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